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Helping LIttle Ones Learn the Value of Money By Kate Gibson, PsyD, ABPP

12/7/2019

Ever wonder how you can teach your young children to understand the value of money? Kids are learning about money every day when they see you shopping or see ads on TV or electronics. Helping children develop an understanding of the value of money goes beyond knowing how much something costs. It is never too early to star teaching the value of money, how it is acquired, how it is used, as well as different concepts such as responsibility, delaying gratification, and charity.

A good place to start is by talking aloud about the choices you make regarding where to shop and what to buy. Talk about how you choose which place to shop and the steps you go through to find the best value of items.
Talk about the difference between things you need and things you want, and how to decide when it is the right time to buy something you want.
Talk about how you earn your income- that it requires doing work and waiting to get paid.
Tell your kids the budget you have for a small grocery store trip and have them help figure what can fit within that budget
Play is always a great way for kids to experiment and figure things out- make some play money for your child to use, play store with a cash register, or for kids a little older play old school board games like Monopoly or Life.
Even kids as young as preschool can start to have jobs around the house where they contribute and can earn things, whether it be monetary or privileges.
Point out fun things that can be done without money, and create free adventures for your family.

Sesame Street has a great toolkit for parents that discusses teaching the value of money through spending, saving and sharing. It is called “For Me, For You, For Later: First Steps to Spending, Sharing and Saving” and has video clips and printable resources that can be found at: https://www.sesamestreet.org/toolkits/save.

The Sesame Street website has great tool kits for parents on a wide variety of topics that are worth checking out at https://www.sesamestreet.org/toolkits.

The Benefits of Gratitude By Kirsten Ellingsen, Ph.D.

11/23/2019

There are proven benefits to gratitude. Research has established a positive association between gratitude, happiness, and well being. People who frequently feel and express gratitude have shown increased positive emotions, lower stress, improved physical health, and stronger romantic relationships. Even writing just a few sentences expressing gratitude each week for 10 weeks was linked to reports of higher levels of optimism, increased amount of exercise, lower rates of illness, and generally feeling better about life for adults. (To see a list of physical, psychological, and social benefits of gratitude see the following article https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_gratitude_is_good.)

Cultivating gratitude begins with a practice of noticing, appreciating and expressing (or thinking about) what is good and appreciating what someone else has done. It increases with deliberately taking time to recognize moments and express thanks for what might sometimes be taken for granted (clean water, food, safe shelter), the important people in our lives, the actions of others, opportunities or enjoyed experiences. It runs counter to entitlement.

Positive associations between gratefulness and happiness, satisfaction with life, and engagement in school has also been found for children and teens. Helping children express gratitude can help build connection and positive relationships. It can encourage resiliency when faced with challenges, frustration, and disappointment. (Acknowledging feelings of frustration or disappointment before helping children or teens refocus or identify something they are grateful for is also important to show and model empathy). Gratitude is a positive emotion and can balance out negative emotions and lead to positive behaviors. Parents can increase their children’s awareness of good events and moments when they occur.

Promoting Gratitude. Based on the positive outcomes identified in their research Jeffrey Froh & Giacomo Bono outline 32 specific strategies to building gratitude in the book Making Grateful Kids; the following 7 themes were identified to underlie these strategies:

1. Model and teach gratitude
2. Spend time with your kids and be mindful when with them
3. Support your child’s autonomy (help them take ownership over their skills and talents)
4. Use kids’ strengths to fuel gratitude
5. Help focus and support kids to achieve intrinsic goals (as engaging in activities that provide community, affiliation, and growth)
6. Encourage helping others and nurturing relationships (to help children strengthen their relationships, encourage children to be thoughtful of others, to thank others regularly, and to be cooperative, helpful, and giving)
7. Help kids find what matters to them

Activities. Parents can encourage their children by building daily habits that focus on identifying and expressing what they are thankful for and what is good or going well in their lives.

Make it a routine to talk about something good that occurred during the day at dinner time or bed time (e.g., the best part about today, a fun experience I had, I am thankful for, I enjoyed…)
Make a gratitude jar and have children write notes all week to put in the jar and then review together at the end of the week
Share prayer, meditation or mindfulness
Teens and older children can keep a gratitude journal of things thankful for
Write thank you notes
This Turkey on a Table can be used in November to help identify and document what each person in a family is thankful for: https://turkeyonthetable.com

(For adults, Robert Emmons, a leading expert on gratitude and professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis also provides recommendations to build gratitude in the article “10 Ways to Become More Grateful” https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/ten_ways_to_become_more_grateful1/.
We are grateful for the children and families we work with and support, and wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!

RESOURCES
https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/in-praise-of-gratitude
https://www.webmd.com/women/features/gratitute-health-boost#1
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/in-praise-of-gratitude
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/seven_ways_to_foster_gratitude_in_kids
https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/gratitude.html
https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/gratitude-worksheet.html?ref=search
https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/gratitude-jar.pdf
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/seven_ways_to_foster_gratitude_in_kids

EMDR Explained By Tara Motzenbecker, MA, NCSP

11/12/2019

Parent and Child Psychological Services is now offering EMDR as one of our many empirically supported modalities.

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is a form of therapy that helps people heal from trauma or other distressing life experiences. EMDR is recognized as an effective treatment for trauma by many organizations including the American Psychological Association and the World Health Organization.

Our brains have a natural way to recover from traumatic memories and events. This process involves communication between the amygdala (the alarm signal for stressful events), the hippocampus (which assists with learning, including memories about safety and danger), and the prefrontal cortex (which analyzes and controls behavior and emotion). While many times traumatic experiences can be managed and resolved spontaneously, they may not be processed without help. Stress responses are part of our natural fight, flight, or freeze instincts. When distress from a disturbing event remains, the upsetting images, thoughts, and emotions may create feelings of overwhelm, of being back in that moment, or of being “frozen in time.” EMDR therapy helps the brain process these memories, and allows normal healing to resume. The experience is still remembered, but the fight, flight, or freeze response from the original event is resolved.

EMDR therapy does not require talking in detail about the distressing issue, or homework between sessions. EMDR, rather than focusing on changing the emotions, thoughts, or behaviors resulting from the distressing issue, allows the brain to resume its natural healing process. EMDR therapy is designed to resolve unprocessed traumatic memories in the brain. Part of the therapy includes alternating eye movements, sounds, or taps.

“Recent research has demonstrated that certain kinds of everyday life experiences can cause symptoms of PTSD as well,” says Francine Shapiro, the originator of EMDR. “Many people feel that something is holding them back in life, causing them to think, feel and behave in ways that don’t serve them. EMDR. therapy is used to identify and process the encoded memories of life experiences that underlie people’s clinical complaints.”

HOW DOES EMDR THERAPY WORK?
The therapy heals trauma by teaching a patient skills to handle emotional distress and using stimulation such as eye movements and taps.

Before beginning EMDR, the therapist will teach coping skills and strategies so the patient feels safe and grounded. The therapist will also work to increase the patient’s resiliency and teach the patient skills to self-regulate emotions. Once prepared, the patient can identify negative feelings and beliefs that may have developed as a result of the experienced trauma. The EMDR process helps patients release the impact of trauma from their minds and bodies so that they feel stronger, safer, and more secure.

EMDR is shown effective to help with life’s small ‘t’ traumas (distressing events that are not inherently life or limb threatening, yet still leave us feeling helplessness such as parenting a child with complex behaviors, a traumatic delivery or childhood bullying) as well as life’s big ‘T’ traumas (the larger events such as a natural disaster or a car accident).

Please reach out to us at (941) 357-4090 for a free phone consultation with Tara Motzenbecker to determine if these services could assist you, a family member, or your child.

What were you thinking? By Kirsten Ellingsen, Ph.D.

10/27/2019

What we think and say to ourselves can profoundly affect how we feel. This is a central component of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a therapeutic approach that focuses on the connection between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It includes noticing and examining thoughts to identify and challenge unhelpful, negative, or inaccurate thoughts and thought patterns.

Teaching children and teenagers that their thoughts and self-talk can make them feel better or worse and providing strategies to increase helpful thinking will increase coping during difficult situations and improve mood. This is an effective way to build confidence and resiliency.

While everyone has negative thoughts, when children have frequent patterns of negative thinking or self-critical statements it is important to understand the underlying reasons and to support more helpful thinking (and self-talk). The following article (https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-kids-who-are-too-hard-on-themselves/) helps outline reasons to consider for why a child might be engaging in negative self-talk (e.g., globalized thinking, perfectionism, attention seeking).

Increasing helpful thoughts and self-talk

The Child Mind Institute also recommends that parents can help children who frequently use negative self-talk by: 1) listening and validating 2) offering a realistic approach (not just “positive thinking” but realistic and balanced) 3) Putting statements in context 4) Model realistic and helpful / positive self talk and 4) “correct the record” such that if you make a critical statement about yourself you turn it into a teachable moment.

In addition, parents can use the following to increase helpful thinking and self-talk:

Step 1 Teach young children about thoughts or “self talk”. Start with teaching that “thoughts are what we say to ourselves” or “thoughts are the words we say to ourselves without speaking out loud”. Tell children that they have many thoughts each hour of the day and these thoughts can change.
Step 2 Help children recognize self-talk and share thoughts. Talk about the difference between thoughts and feelings; label statements and give examples. Often, we are unaware of what we are thinking, and it can take time to learn to identify our specific thoughts. Point to characters in books or movies and ask the child what the person might be thinking. People can have different thoughts about the same thing.
Step 3 Teach children that what you think affects how you feel. For example, recognizing anxious self-talk leads to anxious feelings, which then increases anxious behaviors. Provide alternative perspectives and offer balanced thoughts while talking about how these types of thoughts can produce different emotions.
Step 4 Encourage children to change their thoughts or self talk from unhelpful to helpful. Provide examples of helpful and unhelpful thoughts. Let children know that unhelpful thoughts make you feel more worried, sad, nervous or angry. Helpful thoughts increase calm, confident, brave, happy feelings.

Play a game by tossing a ball back and forth with your child taking turns transforming unhelpful thoughts to helpful thoughts.
Add “yet” to “I can’t” statements.
Remind a child to say encouraging words to him or herself or ask what might you say to a friend who made the same negative or critical comment
Help children come up with helpful phrases, such as “I can handle it”, “it is going to be ok” “ “I can do this” “ I can take some deep breaths and calm myself down”

Finally, it is important to try to understand the reason for the negative self-talk or comments. Listen to your children, explore thoughts, and help identify feelings behind critical or negative comments. (For younger children provide statements that represent the feeling behind negative statements such as, I am frustrated because…I feel bad about…. I am worried about). Empathize with your child. Let your child know that it is ok to feel angry, frustrated, sad, worried… but we have choices in how we act on those feelings. Provide support and try not to minimize a child’s feelings or experience. Dismissive statements will not help understand underlying reasons for the comments or build positive connections. Engage your child in discussions with respect and compassion. Be aware of how you talk about and label your child- what you say, even joking, can influence self-concept and limit comments that might be perceived as criticism (see the Gottman Institute for information about the importance of a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative comments in relationships). Also, be aware of the messages children are hearing from television and movies as well as social media. Model healthy self-talk. Realize that what you say to your child that might feel like criticism. Make an effort to praise the positive and give attention to what your child is doing well (Keep in mind the 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative comments for healthy relationships www.gottman.com).

If negative self-talk is persistent and pervasive or impacts functioning it might be time to get additional support.

RESOURCES and REFERENCES
https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/Healthy_Thinking_for_Younger_Children.pdf
https://www.gottman.com/blog/parent-child-wants-talk/
https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-kids-who-are-too-hard-on-themselves/
For a description of CBT see:
https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/cognitive-behavioral

It’s Not Just Hand Washing… So What Is OCD Anyway? By Kate Gibson, PsyD, ABPP

10/14/2019

In Recognition of OCD Awareness Week October 13-19, 2019 I am providing some education about OCD.

When people hear “OCD” they often think of someone who washes their hands over and over, or someone who needs things neat and organized. These can certainly be part of OCD for some people, but OCD can take many forms that may be very different from this and often much more complex and debilitating.

OCD stands for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. As indicated in its name OCD is made up of two kinds of symptoms: Obsessions and Compulsions.

Obsessions are thoughts that get stuck repeating in someone’s head that they try to get rid of. These thoughts are intrusive and persistent, and they cause distress. Obsessions often make the person worry that something bad will happen or make them think something feels wrong. Obsessions can have to do with any topic, not just the ones people who don’t know much about OCD more commonly think of, such as germs or counting.

Compulsions are repetitive acts that people do to help themselves feel better. These might be single actions, complex routines and rituals the person feels the need to do, or even things they do in their head. Checking, counting, saying certain things, and trying to make things perfect are examples of compulsions. Children often heavily involve their parents in their compulsions, needing their parent to say certain things or do certain things in a very specific way in order to feel okay. People with OCD believe the compulsions are the only way to reduce their distress or to stop their fear from coming true.

To be diagnosed with OCD according to the DSM-5 you must experience either obsessions, compulsions, or both. The symptoms must be time-consuming, or cause significant distress or impairment in functioning.

OCD is very impairing for the person experiencing it. OCD can consume a tremendous amount of time and energy (often hours a day), leaving the person depleted. It can distract from and/or interfere with getting places on time, finishing tasks, learning in the classroom, being mentally or physically present with family and friends, and participating in extracurricular activities.

Many kids and teens with OCD with whom I have worked express frustration with people who say things like “I’m so OCD” when that person likes things clean or neat. This type of statement can feel very invalidating for someone struggling with OCD. Comments like this make it harder for that person with OCD to consider talking about what they are going through with others. Imagine being so uncomfortable that you can do nothing else until you touch a door knob 4 times with your left index finger, then say “now the day will be okay” two times, then doing it over and over again because you’re not sure if you touched the door knob the right number of times, and believing that if you do not get it right then something terrible will happen to your mother that day. Imagine how hard it would be to get ready for school in the morning. That is just a glimpse of what OCD is like, which is a far cry from just liking things neat. People without OCD can be supportive by being mindful of the language they use since you may not know if the person next you is struggling with OCD.

There is help out there, and OCD can be treated. OCD is most often treated using a form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy called Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). ERP teaches people to gradually face their OCD without engaging in the obsessions and compulsions. This is very tough to do on your own, but can be easier with the help of a trained mental health professional. OCD is like a brain trick making people think bad things will happen if certain things are not thought or done, and ERP helps you take back charge over your thinking, feelings, and actions. In order for ERP to be effective it takes time, dedication and practice in and outside of the therapy sessions. Friends and family can help by being sources of support, and by not participating in the OCD rituals.

Even with ERP treatment sometimes progress can be slow. Some people find it helpful to also see a psychiatrist for medication to assist with tackling their OCD. Make sure the psychiatrist you choose has experience treating people with OCD.

OCD Awareness Week October 13-19, 2019
This year for OCD Awareness Week the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) is inviting people to participate in an awareness raising campaign involving anyone, whether they OCD or not, posting videos of themselves facing their fears (#OCDweek #Faceyourfear) to show solidarity and build understanding of how challenging it can be to face your fears. Details about events happening for OCD Awareness Week can be found at https://iocdf.org/programs/ocdweek/.

Websites with additional resources:
International OCD Foundation: https://iocdf.org/
Anxiety and Depression Association of America: https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd
Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies: http://www.abct.org/Information/?m=mInformation&fa=fs_OBSESSIVE_COMPULSIVE

Helping Kids Handle Flu Shot Anxiety By Tara Motzenbecker, MS, NCSP

10/10/2019

lu season is upon us, which means that many parents are opting to vaccinate their children against the flu. A lot of children are fearful of shots and it can be a traumatizing experience to get one, which leads to more anxiety for the next shot and so on…..Fortunately, there are several ways that parents can help reduce the anxiety about shots so the child can have a more positive experience.

First, sit down and have a conversation with your child about it. Hear them out about all of their fears, concerns, experiences and feelings. It is always important to validate their feelings by saying something like “It sounds like you’re worried it’s going to hurt”. When they feel heard and understood, they will be much more open to what you have to say next. A thought to keep in mind: Have you ever been stressed about something that was alleviated because someone said, “Don’t worry about it”? I’m guessing the answer is no, and it’ll be the same for our children too. Their worries are real, and parents must acknowledge that if they are going to be open to what you say next. Once they have shared all of their worries and feelings about it and you have validated them, you can explain the purpose of the shot, in an age appropriate way. For a four year old, this may be something like “we get shots to keep our bodies safe from germs” and for a ten year old, “we deal with a moment of discomfort so that we can prevent a week of feeling horrible”.

Next, let them know there are many different tricks for feeling better about the shot. You can go over the list of calming strategies below with them and they can decide which ones they’d like to use leading up to the shot and which ones for the actual time of the shot. Giving them all of the information and letting them choose which ones to try gives them the control they may need. Sometimes just going over these options with the child lets them feel in control of the situation and that alone reduces the anxiety. (For the sake of brevity, I am leaving out the science behind these, but upon request, I would be happy to share exactly how and why these strategies work.)

Deep Muscle Relaxation: tighten up all your muscles and hold for one minute. Slowly relax the muscles and everything feels calm. This is especially helpful because the more the muscle is relaxed, the less discomfort there will be from the shot.
Take deep belly breaths. A belly breath is slowly breathing in the nose until the belly puffs out, then exhaling out of the mouth slowly until all the air is out. You can practice these with bubbles. The slower and longer you exhale out, the bigger the bubbles will be.
Bring something that has a preferred and calming scent such as play-doh or an essential oil.
Count something in the room such as how many tiles are on the floor or ceiling.
Bring earbuds and listen to music or an audio book.
Bring a favorite comfort object or a special new toy to hold.
Magic Moustache: press the side of your forefinger against your upper lip and press your thumb under your chin. (Your hand forms a “C” shape.)
The parent can tap or squeeze alternating shoulders to calm the child’s system. Think of patting a baby’s back but quickly alternate between left and right sides of the body.
Engage the child in a guided meditation in the car on the way to the appointment. There are many apps and online recordings to use.
Create a list with the child of past times the child was very worried about something but the situation turned out just fine.
Think of a very special and happy moment. Visualize that during the appointment. The child can also draw a picture of this happy moment and bring it to the appointment.
Have a fun plan following the appointment to look forward to. Let the child choose this ahead of time.
The child can draw a picture of how they are using the chosen strategies.
Does the child have any other ideas? They may come up with something even better!

Finally, play it out. This can be a role play for an older child and using toys for a younger child. You can guide the first time around to show them what it would be like and what you will do right after the shot. Then, allow the child to lead the play. The child may want to “give the shot” to a stuffed animal or to a parent multiple times before the appointment. Children process and learn through play, so this will give them the opportunity to work through what their amazing brains are needing.

Always leave opportunity for the child to ask questions and do your best to be honest in an age appropriate way.

Co-parenting after a divorce or separation By Rachel Funnell, LMFT

10/3/2019

Co-parenting after a separation is not easy and tends to take a lot of hard work especially if you have a contentious ex-partner. The key to successful co-parenting is to separate the personal relationship with your ex from the co-parenting relationship. A good way to look at this is that you are starting a completely new relationship with your ex. A relationship that is based around the kids and not the relationship you once had with them. The needs of the kids need to be the priority and you must set your feelings aside. By doing this, you are showing your kids that they are more important than any of the reasons why your relationship didn’t work with the other parent. It will help your kids feel secure, have consistency, understand how to problem solve, model how one can put aside differences for a greater good, and help them be more mentally and emotionally healthier.
So how does one successfully co-parent? Below are some tips to help guide you in this new transition.

Set aside your anger, hurt and resentment.

Your emotions need to take a back burner to the needs of your kids. This is not to say that you can’t feel hurt or angry but rather they do not need to see these emotions from you regarding the other parent. What’s best for them, is to see you working with the other parent for their best interests.
In order to manage your own feelings, talk with friends, a mental health profession or support groups. When your feelings flare up, think of your kids or look at pictures of them to help remind you that you are looking out for their best interest.

Don’t put your kids in the middle.

Resolve to keep your issues with your ex away from your children. Don’t use them as a messenger and never say negative things about your ex in front of them. Remember that your ex, is their parent and they love the other parent despite how they treat them or you. You putting down the other parent makes it seem like they are doing something wrong for loving them.

Improve your communication with the other parent.

This can be especially challenging, if your ex is not a good communicator or struggles with putting their hurt and anger aside. But make it a goal to conduct yourself in a mature way.
When communicating with the ex, keep in mind that you want to go about it in the most non-conflicting manner. It does not have to be in person. It can be via email, phone or text. Set a business like tone, make requests, listen, commit to meeting or talking consistently, keep conversations kid focused and try to solve stress quickly so it doesn’t build up.

Co-parent as a team.

   Being consistent in both houses is very beneficial for the children. This is not to say that there will be differences and the children will need to learn some flexibility. However, rules, discipline and schedule need to be the most consistent items.
   Make important decisions together. This will include medical, educational and kid related financial decisions. There may be times when the other parent is able to afford something that you can’t. Again, don’t focus on how you can’t provide that for your child but rather that your child is able to experience it or have it.
   Disagreements are bound to happen so set to work on resolving them. Remember to be respectful when talking with your ex, be flexible with schedules, fill the other parent in on information from school or other activities the children do. Keep in mind that even if you both are struggling to agree on a certain topic, it’s still important to keep talking. If needed, get a third party professional to help with facilitating the conversations.

Make transitions and visitations easier for the children.

Transition back and forth from different houses can be difficult for kids. To help make it easier, make sure to remind them about the transition or visitation, pack in advance and include any special items they may want, and if possible, try to drop off instead of pick up your child. This helps to keep the child from thinking that you are “taking” them away from their other parent.
When your child returns to your house, keep things low key to allow your child to get adjusted back to your house. Allow them to have some space if they need it. You can also have a special routine for when they return if they need it. This could be a special meal, game, movie or activity.

Again, co-parenting is not easy but it’s what’s best for your children. It will take some time to get your feelings under control but the sooner the better it is for your child. No matter what, don’t give up trying to make it work.

How Parents can Promote a Growth Mindset By Kirsten Ellingsen, PhD

9/25/2019

What are your general beliefs about intelligence and talent? Do you tell your child he or she “is smart” or “a natural” at different activities? Do you think that intelligence is a set attribute or that ability is changeable and talent develops with practice?

It turns out that what and how we think about ability and intelligence can influence our approach to learning, motivation to take on difficult tasks, response to mistakes and failure, perseverance in challenges, and academic achievement.

Carol Dweck, a psychologist at Stanford University, categorized these beliefs into two types of “mindsets”. Her book titled Mindset: the new psychology of success (2006, updated 2016) summarized research related to student beliefs about ability and found different learning behaviors when a student has a “growth mindset” versus a “fixed mindset”.

Generally, a growth mindset is related to the following beliefs: Intelligence and ability can improve and change as a result of effort, perseverance, and practice; challenges are temporary and opportunities to enhance learning, mistakes and failures are also viewed as opportunities to learn.

In contrast, a fixed mindset is related to beliefs that: intelligence and ability are set (fixed traits) and cannot be changed or developed, that effort will not overcome challenges, mistakes or failures might reflect a lack of ability, being smart or gifted means succeeding with little effort, success is proving you are smart, putting forth effort or struggling to learn might mean a child is “not smart”, a child may feel the need to keep proving and tasks that cannot be done easily or quickly might be avoided.

Benefits of helping children develop a growth mindset

A child’s mindset can influence behavior and academic achievement. These beliefs influences how we face challenges and setbacks. Using a growth mindset more often helps children realize that practice, study, and effort can strengthen brain functioning and enhance long-term success at school, particularly when working through academic challenges or failures.

Having a growth mindset has predicted higher grades, greater motivation, and been associated with students taking on more advanced and challenging classes. Differences in mindsets have been observed in children as young as three years of age and related to their desire and approach to challenges in elementary school. Studies have found that explicitly teaching children about the brain and that intelligence can be developed increased a growth mindset. (See resources below for reviews of research).

Strategies to help facilitate a growth mindset

Mindsets are beliefs that can be changed. Parents and teachers can pass down their beliefs and mindset to children in comments, expectations, types of praise, and response to mistakes. Strategies that parents can use include:

Praise Process

Emphasize effort and effective strategies (give process praise). Focus on the learning process and how hard work, use of good strategies, and resources rather than on outcome or being “smart”.
Praise should be sincere. Empty praise and praising effort regardless of the outcome might feel disingenuous to children and is not helpful (if effort alone is not working you can encourage more effective strategies to successfully accomplish a task). It is not just praising effort but also using right or effective strategies.
Add the word “yet” when I child states that he or she can’t do something.

Examples: “you really studied hard for your history test, read the material twice and took notes, and it worked” rather than “you are so smart”; “I like how you kept trying different strategies to solve that math problem until you got it” and see Say this /Not that at: https://www.mindsetworks.com/parents/growth-mindset-parenting)

Talk about the brain

Teach your child about the brain and how you can change your brain and strengthen neural connections with experience, effort, practice, taking on challenges, asking questions, actively participating in learning.

Brainology for Home (https://www.mindsetworks.com/programs/brainology-for-home) is one program available.

Talk about and accept mistakes as opportunities to learn

Encourage children to take on challenges and understand that mistakes are part of learning.

Let children know that setbacks or feedback are ok and do not reflect lack of intelligence or ability; encourage them to ask for help when needed.
Share your own stories about success achieved from hard work and achievements that result from hard work.
Model persistence, effort and managing failure well. Talk about what you learned from mistakes.

Understand the role of emotions in learning

When we get angry, scared, or feel threatened, our fight or flight response is activated and it is difficult to be calm, think clearly and learn. It is important to support children when they are getting frustrated or upset, particularly when making mistakes or struggling to learn.

Diaphragmatic breathing (belly breathing) is one strategy to use to help children calm down and manage their feelings and be able to move forward.

For example, breathe slowly in through your nose 3 seconds and out through your mouth 4 seconds. Have your child practice by placing a stuffed animal on his/her belly while lying down and making the animal rise while breathing in and see it fall when exhaling out mouth.

Parents can help their children build resiliency and increase academic achievement. One way to do this is by encouraging children to develop a “growth mindset”. It is an ongoing process and takes practice. Children have different initial talents, aptitudes, interests and temperaments with potential that can be enhanced. People tend to have both types of mindsets depending on circumstances, but parents can encourage the type of thinking that will increase the use of a growth mindset that produces perseverance and resilience.

There is still a lot of research that needs to be done to fully understand the impact of mindset alone. It is important to consider all the different factors that contribute to school success and a child’s approach to learning (consider findings about early experience and brain development https://developingchild.harvard.edu ). Nevertheless, encouraging a growth mindset – knowing and believing that you can increase your ability and strengthen cognitive performance through effort, practice, and perseverance– is a powerful and accessible tool and strategy that promotes learning, resiliency, and an ability to effectively cope with setbacks and challenges.

REFERENCES AND RESOURCES

Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House Digital, Inc.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-secret-to-raising-smart-kids1/
Resources for parents: https://www.mindsetworks.com/parents/default
Videos: https://www.mindsetworks.com/parents/growth-mindset-parenting
Free Growth mindset program for 9th grade students: https://www.perts.net/orientation/hg

A critique of mindset research can be found in the following:
Victoria F. Sisk, Alexander P. Burgoyne, Jingze Sun, Jennifer L. Butler, Brooke N. Macnamara. To What Extent and Under Which Circumstances Are Growth Mind-Sets Important to Academic Achievement? Two Meta-Analyses. Psychological Science, 2018; 29 (4): 549 DOI: 10.1177/0956797617739704

Updated replication studies and new additional supporting data can be found from the National Study of Learning Mindsets at https://theconversation.com/growth-mindset-interventions-yield-impressive-results-97423 and https://mindsetscholarsnetwork.org/about-the-network/current-initatives/key-findings/

Emotional Intensity in Gifted Children By Tara Motzenbecker, M.S., NCSP

9/19/2019

Giftedness often goes hand-in-hand with emotional intensity. Just as a gifted child’s thinking is more complex than his or her peers’, so too are their emotions more complex and more intense.

The emotional intensity in the gifted is not just a matter of feeling “more”, but it is an entirely different way of experiencing the world; vivid, absorbing, penetrating, complex, encompassing, commanding. This intensity can be expressed in a variety of ways:

as intensity of feeling - positive feelings, negative feelings, both positive and negative feelings together, extremes of emotion, complex emotion that seemingly move from one feeling to another over a short time period, identification with the feelings of other people, laughing and crying together
in the body - the body mirrors the emotions and feelings are often expressed as bodily symptoms such as tense stomach, sinking heart, blushing, headache, nausea
inhibition - timidity and shyness
strong affective memory - emotionally intense children can remember the feelings that accompanied an incident and will often relive and 're-feel' them long afterward
fears and anxieties, feelings of guilt, feelings of being out of control
concerns with death, depressive moods
emotional ties and attachments to others, empathy and concern for others, sensitivity in relationships, attachment to animals, difficulty in adjusting to new environments, loneliness, conflicts with others over the depth of relationships
critical self-evaluation and self-judgment, feelings of inadequacy and inferiority

Feeling everything more deeply than others do can both be painful and frightening. Emotionally intense gifted people often feel abnormal. This quality, however, can be an intrinsic part of being gifted and provide the drive that gifted people have for personal growth and achievement.

The most important thing parents, educators and others can do to nurture emotionally intense gifted children is to accept their emotions: they need to feel understood and supported. Explain that intense feelings are normal. Help them to use their intellect to develop self-awareness and self-acceptance. Discuss feelings openly; the negative as well as the positive. It can be helpful to use an "emotional thermometer" to initiate discussion eg "on a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling today? "Take time to listen to children's ideas, opinions and feelings. Be non-judgmental: don't interrupt, moralize, distract or give advice.

Most importantly, make sure these children know their emotional intensity a strength, a superpower, and that their ability to feel deeply is valued.

References
Piechowski, M.M. (1991) Emotional Development and Emotional Giftedness. In N. Colangelo & G. Davis (Eds.), Handbook of Gifted Education. Needham Heights, MA: Allyn & Bacon
Piechowski, M.M. (1979) Developmental Potential. In N. Colangelo &T. Zaffran (Eds.), New Voices in Counseling the Gifted. Dubuque, IA : Kendall/Hunt.

How to Manage Your Child’s Stress and Fear about School Shootings By Rachel Funnell, LMFT

9/5/2019

It is unfortunate, to say the least, that parents, caregivers, teachers and therapists are in a position now to have to talk to children and teens about school shootings. As the adults in kid’s lives, it’s important to know how to talk to them about it, address their fears and help them manage that stress. Below are some tips, divided up in different age groups, for talking to your children about this issue.
Preschool to Kindergarten:

Keep it as simple and short as possible
Reassure them that they are safe and there are adults in their life to help keep them safe. I.e.: teachers, parents, school staff, bus drivers
Give examples school safety like locked exterior doors, gates and emergency drills
Try to focus on the positives of the story, like the heroes

Elementary School:

Decide how much you want to share with them due to this age group having more questions
Prevent your child from watching news regarding the shooting or seeing images due to the images stick with the child longer
Again, talk about the heroes of the event and reassure them of the adults and safety measures within the school
This age group may need help separating fantasy from reality

Tweens:

This group tends to have strong and varying opinions about the causes of violence in schools and society, therefore, be prepared to discuss these viewpoints
Ask them how they feel about the shootings
This can be a great opportunity to talk about your personal values as well as gain some insight into their values
Begin to talk to them about how and when to speak up if they notice a peer in trouble or isolating themselves
Discuss the importance of following school safety rules, like not providing access to the school to strangers and reporting any threats

Teens:

Ask them how they feel and what they have heard about the shootings
Listen to their feelings and display empathy
Teens usually want action, so discuss what they can do to make the school safe as well as what the school and community is doing
Discuss how they can keep themselves safe

With all age groups, it’s important to remember the following:

Observe your child’s emotional state: Some may not express their concerns verbally so pay attention to any changes in behavior, appetite and sleep.
Limit media exposure: Monitor what they view online including social media.
Maintain a normal routine: Keeping a routine can be reassuring.
Review school safety procedures: It’s not only important for your child to know, it’s important for you to know too.

While school shootings and acts of violence are scary topics of conversation, it’s important to not ignore this issue. Avoiding it will only leave your child feeling scared and paranoid.

Author

Parent and Child Psychological Services is a private practice serving children and families in the Sarasota, Florida area. The practice is owned and operated by Dr. Gibson, a Licensed Psychologist who is Board Certified in Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology.

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