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Infant Sleep Safety By Amanda Hanson, Psy.D.

3/15/2019

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Having a newborn addition to your family creates an increase in responsibility, decision making, and safety concerns. One area that new parents may have questions is in regard to sleeping behaviors for their infant. Safety is an important aspect to understand, and education about safety can assist in decreasing risk to your infant. The following are helpful recommendations made by the American Academy of Pediatrics regarding sleeping hygiene for your infant
  • Babies should be placed faced up, on their backs, every time to sleep. Once an infant is able to roll from back to stomach and stomach to back, the infant is able to sleep in the position they choose. Reserve “tummy time” for day time activities and not for sleep in order to decrease risk of suffocation.
  • No objects should be placed in the crib. Make sure the crib environment is free from miscellaneous items or toys. While stuffed animals may appear cute and decorative, remove them from the crib prior to sleeping.
  • The mattress should fit snug in the frame, as well as the fitted sheet.
  • Place the crib in a room that is smoke free.
  • The offer of a pacifier has been linked to a decrease in risk for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).
  • If breastfeeding, wait until breastfeeding is well-established before offering a pacifier.
  • The infant should return to own crib or bassinet following any feeding or comforting if brought to the parents’ bed, and before the parent returns to sleep
  • The temperature of the room should remain comfortable, similar to the need of a lightly clothed adult in order to avoid overheating of the infant.
  • Avoid over bundling the infant which can also increase overheating.
  • Never use propping up a bottle at naptime or bedtime.
  • Once the child learns to sit, lower the mattress in the crib, and lower even further when they learn to stand.
  • Respond to the infant’s cries during the night.
While some parents may feel that sleeping with their infant is beneficial, the act of co-sleeping is NOT recommended. Co-sleeping can increase risk of suffocation while the infant is sleeping. In order to avoid any potential accidents, co-sleeping should not be considered.
In order to promote healthy sleep for your infant at night, consider the following tips:
  • Use active playtime during the day. This is when “tummy time” would be appropriate.
  • Allow for skin-to-skin contact during the day.
  • Attending to your infant’s cries throughout the day in order to reduce the baby’s stress.
  • Consistency with meals, naps, and bedtime is beneficial.
  • The implementation of a bedtime routine can assist in healthy sleep. This may be in the form of a bath, gentle massage, or quiet time. Research supports that babies with bedtime routines fall asleep 30% faster, wakes up 50% less, and sleep for longer stretches of time.
  • Verbalizations, such as talking softly or singing to your infant before bed can be soothing.
  • Place your child in their crib when they appear to be tired, but are still slightly awake. This transition assists them in helping them to fall asleep on their own.
  • If your child appears restless, place them to bed 30 minutes earlier in order to avoid the infant becoming overly tired and attempting to fight off sleep with energy.
  • The use of background noise, such as soft music, a fan, or white noise may also help, as repetitive sounds can lull them to sleep.
  • Place a warm towel on your baby’s sheet and remove it before you place the child down.
 
In the event that your infant continues to struggle to fall asleep despite these healthy suggestions and tips, consider consulting with your pediatrician to discuss further.  
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Self-Regulation and Increasing Self-Control By Kirsten Ellingsen, PhD

3/9/2019

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Self-control is about being able to regulate yourself.  Self-regulation is the ability to manage behavior, control actions and productively manage emotions. Developing self-regulation involves understanding both behaviors and feelings, and being able to effectively control these across different situations. It includes calming down when frustrated, upset, or excited, controlling impulses, and focusing attention. It is important for academic achievement and learning in school, getting along with other children and making friends, and managing stress.
 
Helping your child learn self-regulation
 
  • Parents are the best example to model and teach self-regulation. Explain how you calmed down and managed your strong emotions and show strategies to your child when you are frustrated or upset.
  • Label and talk about feelings with your child (e.g.,  ‘did you throw that puzzle piece because you were frustrated?’  Remember to keep it simple (and do this when your child is calm).
  • Teach alternate behaviors and appropriate ways to react to “big” or difficult emotions. When a child is calm you can offer choices (e.g., that was hard when you could not get that piece in the puzzle, you could say “help” or take some belly breaths instead of throwing a piece next time).
  • Discuss rules and expectations for behaviors.
  • Identify consequences before a problem occurs, make sure these rules are consistently applied, and reviewed often with children.
  • Try to “catch” your child doing a positive behavior and making good choices.
  • PRAISE your child for demonstrating (even the smallest amount of) self-control and describe the positive behavior you observed.
  • You can play games to help children learn self-control such as red light/green light; mother may I.
 
According to https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201506/8-steps-help-your-child-develop-self-control  
(see website for explanations of these steps)
 
1. The foundation of self-control is trust.
2. Children learn emotional regulation from our modeling.
3. The self-control capacity of the brain increases with practice. 
4. Self-Control is CHOOSING to give up what we want for something we want more.
6. Empathic Limits give kids practice in self-discipline.
7. Waiting is good practice -- up to a point.
8. Children learn self-control naturally as they attempt to master their world.
 
 
Have reasonable and fair expectations for behavior
 
It is important to have realistic and developmentally (age) appropriate expectations for self-control.
  • Infants should be responded to right away and comforted to help them calm quickly.
  • For toddlers, use distraction, set up environment to minimize frustration and have reasonable expectations about how long they should be able to wait (e.g., for food, toys etc) – which is not very long! Talk about feelings and expectations for behavior very simply- particularly for aggressive behavior.
  • Children ages 3-5 can be expected to learn simple rules about behavior and some better self-control.
  • School age children (6-9)- you can discuss rules and consequences and help children make good choices. Remember to review and reward positive behavior.
 
When Should I be Concerned? Consider seeking professional help if your child’s problematic behavior appears to be more extreme, more frequent or more persistent compared to other same age children (or if you just need more support and specific strategies to support your child’s self-regulation and positive behavior).
In addition, children who have an underlying developmental disability will have more difficulty with impulsivity and self-control. If you have concerns about ADHD or other potential disabilities please talk with your pediatrician or a psychologist.
 
Resources
(https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/understanding-behaviour/self-regulation for more information about why it is important and tips to helping children increase self-regulation)
www.kidshealth.org
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Parents Versus Picky Eaters By Joy Bui, M.A., Doctoral Candidate, Intern

3/2/2019

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​If your little one is a picky eater… YOU ARE NOT ALONE! On average about 50% of parents consider their children picky eaters. Picky eaters emerge around toddlerhood and can be typical for preschoolers. Many parents are concerned that their kids are not getting enough nutrition or feel overwhelmed and frustrated as dinner time turns into a struggle. 
​Tips for Parents to Help with Picky Eaters:
 
1. Be Patient and Calm
It is very normal to offer or need to expose children to new foods over 10 times before they attempt to try it.

2. Be flexible.
Focus on what they already like or make adjustments to foods/textures that are challenging for them. Does your child not like crunchy foods? Then swap out apple slices for applesauce.
3. Let your kids be involved.
Let them pick out fruits and veggies from the store and show excitement and offer lots of praise for their choice. Let them help prepare meals (stir, add seasoning, etc). Encourage them to touch, smell, lick, or taste the new food.
4. Offer the same foods for everyone in the family and have family meals.
Offering your picky eater their own meal only encourages them to be picky. During family meal time, try serving a meal that includes something they already enjoy with a new kind of food. Remember to frequently and gently encourage trying the new food.

5. Be Creative.
New foods can look “weird or scary” to kids. Be open to trying new recipes and presentations - you can use simple things, such as a cookie cutter to make the new food look silly, fun, and exciting.

6. Offer two choices at a time.
Try asking, “Would you like carrots or broccoli?” instead of, “What do you want for dinner?” or “Would you like carrots with dinner?”

7. Less is more.
Having a lot of something new can be overwhelming and intimidating to children. Try only incorporating one new food at a time and starting out with small amounts. Put one or two carrots or a few peas on their plate at a time, then slowly increase the amount as they get more comfortable with eating them.

Things to Avoid:

It is unhelpful to force your child to eat certain foods. Try having realistic expectations for your kids about how much they “should eat.” Though the size of the stomach varies, for some it is about the size of their clenched fist. Forcing your kids to eat usually leads to the child eating less. Be mindful about negotiating and making deals with your kids. For example, “Just two more bites and then you can have ice cream” can easily turn into children asking “how many bites until I can have ice cream?” Overall, approaches like these are unhelpful for the long term. Some children may even start negotiating other unlikable tasks in exchange for a reward, such as getting ready or brushing their teeth. Try utilizing verbal praise to let them know how proud you are of them, or give non-food related rewards.

While picky eating in children can be normal, there are some instances in which it may be a more serious problem. Always talk to your child’s health care provider about any nutritional concerns you may have.
 
Additional Resources:
 
Phrases That Help and Hinder
 
Healthy Tips for Picky Eaters
 
Age Appropriate Kitchen Activities
​
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What is CBT? How does it help children with anxiety? By Tara Motzenbecker, MS, NCSP

2/22/2019

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CBT stands for Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. In CBT, a therapist helps the patient see how they may be thinking (cognitive) about things in a way that is not helpful, and helps them see things that they are doing (behavioral) that may be holding them back. The goal of the treatment is to (1) help the person understand their own patterns, (2) think more accurately about their situations, and then (3) plan actions that will help them reach their goals. In the course of the therapy, the therapist should help them practice their new “skills” in real-world situations.

For anxiety, CBT must include one important component – exposure. Exposure just means practice doing things that have been avoided, in small steps, in real-world situations, with the help and guidance of the therapist. If you are working with a CBT therapist for help with anxiety, this should be a major part of the treatment.

CBT typically involves 16-20 sessions and it is very goal-oriented - the goal being to reduce symptoms and improve functioning in the target areas. If there are multiple problems (like depression and anxiety) or the symptoms of anxiety are very severe and it has been going on for many years, it may take more sessions, but you should be able to start seeing positive changes within the first couple of months.

In CBT for anxiety in kids, parents are very much part of the team. Parents are shown how to encourage practice and not give-in to avoidance or reassurance at home. In this example, if parents were asking the teacher for accommodation to write the report instead of read it in front of class, or let the child miss school on presentation day, the therapist would help them encourage practice of small steps (like have them practice in front of them a few times, then ask the teacher if they can practice 1:1 first before doing it in front of the class) instead of avoidance. Although avoidance helps people feel better quickly it does not help them overcome their anxiety (and actually makes the anxiety stronger). Anxiety can be overcome, and CBT is a great tool to help people do just that.

childmind.org/article/behavioral-treatment-kids-anxiety/

effectivechildtherapy.org/concerns-symptoms-disorders/disorders/fear-worry-and-anxiety/​​
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Anxiety and Children by rachel funnell, LMFT

2/14/2019

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​What is Anxiety?:
The definition of anxiety is: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. Anxiety is there to keep us from danger. It is a built-in self-protection mechanism that every human has.There is nothing wrong with experiencing the feeling of anxiety; it is how we react to those feelings that can lead to harm or unhealthy behaviors.

What does anxiety look like in children?
These are some examples but anxiety can present in many, many other ways.
  • Clinging/separation anxiety
  • tantrums
  • crying
  • hypervigilance
  • avoidance of people/places or things (which can often look like refusing to go/do what is expected)
  • regression (bedwetting, thumb sucking, baby-talk)
  • tics, or unusual kinetic movements
  • increased sensory seeking behaviors
  • shutting down
  • rapid talk/increased inquisitiveness, or reassurance seeking
  • selective mutism
  • lack of concentration/inattentiveness 
  • increased somatic complaints
  • agitation
  • restlessness
  • difficulties with transitions
  • sleep disruptions

What is a protective level of anxiety and what is a problematic level?
The anxiety is considered to be a problem when it affects the child’s daily functioning. There will be many times throughout a child’s life that anxiety will increase due to life events and this is not to be a concern unless it becomes chronic. Some diagnoses require at least 4 weeks of ongoing symptoms and others at least 6 months.

Causes of anxiety
  • Trauma: disasters, accidents, abuse etc but also medical procedures, community violence, death of a loved one-person or pet, a move, witnessing violence
  • Learned behaviors: children pick up cues from the adults in their lives and learn how to manage their feelings by modeling what they see 
  • Genetic predisposition; including sensory sensitivities

When do you know that your child needs professional help?  
When the anxiety is affecting the daily functioning of the child and/or the family for a few weeks and is not the result of a situation that one would expect anxiety to increase. In addition, if the heightened anxiety continues after the situation has resolved, professional attention may be warranted.

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Identifying Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in Young Children by kirsten ellingsen, ph.d.

2/2/2019

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Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is one of the most commonly diagnosed behavioral disorders in childhood. Rates have been increasing over the past few decades and there are different reasons suggested for this increase, including better screening for ADHD.  According to the DSM-5, the childhood rate of ADHD in the United States is estimated at five percent. Community population samples and parent report of children in some studies have found higher estimates (up to 11%).
 
ADHD can profoundly affect children’s educational performance, wellbeing, and social interactions (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2011). Common referral concerns for ADHD include exhibiting behaviors such as high activity level, impulsivity, and poor attention. Accurate diagnosis, particularly when children are young, requires informed clinical judgment, the use of multiple assessment measures (often through formal neuropsychological evaluations), and information about how a child is functioning across different settings over time. Children can be diagnosed as young as 4 years of age (although most children are not diagnosed with ADHD until age 7). While symptoms may be observed in early childhood, accurate diagnosis is incredibly difficult – because many of the “problem behaviors” associated with ADHD fall in the range of typical or age-expected behavior for young children. 
 
Early signs of possible ADHD that have been identified include:
  • Acts before thinking
  • Changes activities frequently
  • Has a short attention span
  • Fails to focus and follow directions
  • Distracts easily
  • Has difficulty staying on task (Fewell & Deutscher, 2002, p27)
According to Dr. Mark Mahone, early signs of ADHD risk for preschool children include:
  • Dislikes or avoids activities that require paying attention for more than a few minutes
  • Loses interest and moves on to another activity after engaging in an activity quickly
  • Talks more and makes more noise compared to same age peers
  • Climbs on things even when told not to
  • Not able to hop on one foot by age 4
  • Almost restless
  • Fearlessness results in getting into dangerous situations
  • Warms up too fast to strangers
  • Aggressive to peers and preschool expulsion
  • Injures him or herself by running or moving fast even when told not to do so
(http://www.kennedykrieger.org/overview/news/it-adhd-or-typical-toddler-behavior-ten-early-signs-adhd-risk-preschool-age-children)
 
Characteristics of ADHD - Predominantly Inattentive Presentation
  • Fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes
  • Has difficulty sustaining attention
  • Does not appear to listen
  • Struggles to follow through on instructions
  • Has difficulty with organization
  • Avoids or dislikes tasks requiring sustained mental effort
  • Loses things
  • Is easily distracted
  • Is forgetful in daily activities
 
Characteristics of ADHD - Predominantly Hyperactive/Impulsive Presentation
  • Fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in chair
  • Has difficulty remaining seated
  • Runs about or climbs excessively in children; extreme restlessness in adults
  • Difficulty engaging in activities quietly
  • Acts as if driven by a motor; adults will often feel internally as if they were driven by a motor
  • Talks excessively
  • Blurts out answers before questions have been completed
  • Difficulty waiting or taking turns
  • Interrupts or intrudes upon others
 
(See more at: http://www.chadd.org/Understanding-ADHD/Parents-Caregivers-of-Children-with-ADHD/Symptoms-and-Causes/Symptoms-and-Diagnostic-Criteria.aspx#sthash.fz8ZbS23.dpuf)
 
Impulsivity, inattention, high activity levels and distractibility are all commonly observed in young children.  Problems with self-control or hyperactivity occur with many preschool children and are expected -to a degree. Therefore, it is important to consult with a knowledgeable and informed professional who can help differentiate between developmentally appropriate (or age appropriate) behaviors and when behaviors fall outside of the expected range. Problematic behaviors need to be more frequent, severe, and persistent compared to same age peers. It is also the combination of these behaviors and how they affect functioning in different environments that might suggest a possible underlying disability. If you have concerns about your child’s behavior or questions about ADHD talk with your pediatrician, a psychologist, or a neuropsychologist. 
 
 Resources:
 
Preschoolers and ADHD (National Research Center on ADHD) https://chadd.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/preschoolers.pdf
 
Is it ADHD or Typical Toddler Behavior? Ten Early Signs of ADHD Risk in Preschool Children: 
http://www.kennedykrieger.org/overview/news/it-adhd-or-typical-toddler-behavior-ten-early-signs-adhd-risk-preschool-age-children
  
ADHD: https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/adhd.html
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The Importance of Free Time and Play for Children by tara motzenbecker, ms, ncsp

1/25/2019

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The American Academy of Pediatrics advocates for the protection of
children’s unstructured playtime because of its numerous benefits, including
the development of foundational motor skills that may have lifelong benefits
for the prevention of obesity, hypertension, and type 2 diabetes. Play is also one of the principal ways in which children develop understanding, explore conflict, and rehearse emotional and social skills. A child's language is play. Unfortunately, in the world we live in, well-intentioned parents often feel pressure to sign children up for multiple structured enrichment activities such as music lessons, tutoring, etc. When you combine these structured activities with all of the structured time spent in school and then out of school doing homework, the children have hardly any free time left. Yet it is during their free time that children learn how to take risks, how to solve boredom, how to connect socially, and how to problem solve with others.  

For example, picture a brother and a sister who are home and decide to play “lava”. They have to agree on certain rules for jumping over the lava (aka the floor). They have to negotiate, and they use their creativity to make up the world that is in their shared imagination. A younger sibling may let the older sibling take charge, but eventually the younger child will want to add in an extra rule and have to stand up to the older sibling. These siblings have learned negotiation, creativity, compromise, navigating risk, and how to summon courage. Children need to develop these skills as children, or we are setting them up to be teenagers and adults that feel anxious when they have to make decisions or engage in anything risky.  

So the next time your child says, “I’m bored!”, you can pat yourself on the back, resist the urge to alleviate the boredom, walk away and know that this is going to be an important time in your child’s development.

Remember, birds fly. Fish swim. Children play.

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Snowballing Debt by rachel funnell, lmft

1/18/2019

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Debt is a major source of stress for most people, so figuring out a way to get out of the debt quickly is ideal. One quick way to get out of debt is to use the snowballing method. This method allows a person to start small with very focused intensity on one debt at a time until all the debt is paid off.
 
How does this method work?
In short, you’ll pay off your debts from smallest to largest. First, you will need to get organized by creating a spreadsheet or document where you can list all of your debt from smallest to largest. Then you begin to make minimum payments on every debt except the smallest one. You are going to put every extra dollar you have towards that smallest debt until it’s paid off. Once that debt is paid off you will take the money you were putting to the first debt and start to apply it to the minimum payment of the next smallest debt. This allows you to be putting more money towards the second debt while continuing to make minimum payments on the other debts. Once the second debt is paid off, you take all that money and apply it to the next debt. You continue to do this until all your debt is paid off.
 
Why does this method work?
There has been a lot of research on the snowballing debt method and it all says that it’s the most efficient and effective way to manage debt. The reason this method works so well is due to seeing results so quickly. You will begin to feel good when you start to pay off each debt and actually see a lot of progress on the debt that you’re focused on. When you start to pay off each debt, it will give you motivation to continue with this method until all your debt is gone. This motivation will also help you make wiser choices regarding what you are spending your money on. You will begin to eat out less or not buy things that you really don’t need at that moment.
 
How to make this method even more effective?
If you are looking to make this method even more effective, then create a budget for all your debt and expenses. By creating a budget, you will be able to keep track of where all your money is going and even find areas in which you could reduce spending and add the extra money to your debt. The best way to stick to your budget is to reduce the frequency of using debit or credit cards and just use cash to pay for everything. By using cash, you are more likely to pay attention to how much you are spending because it’s tangible. When we swipe a credit card or debit card we are too removed from it to make better decisions on our purchases. Take out a certain amount of cash each month that will go to all of your living expenses. Then create an envelope for each of the expenses and put the designated amount of cash in it. You will then take the money from the envelope when needed and it will help you stick to your budget. While sticking to a budget can be hard, using cash will set you up for success. 
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Happy New Year! resolution tips by dr. kirsten ellingsen

1/4/2019

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For many the start of a new year is a time to reflect and set resolutions. It presents an opportunity to assess both achievements and disappointments from the past year, to cultivate gratitude, and to set goals for change.  It might bring a sense of hope and excitement for new possibilities, as well as a time to grieve from loss or unmet needs and reconcile expectations about what you thought would occur and your present reality.
 
While making lifestyle changes to improve general health is a positive endeavor (and can happen any time), there might be pressure to set unattainable resolutions this time of year.
 
If you want to set goals for change in the new year:
  • Make a plan.
  • Keep it simple.
  • Be specific.
Identify one or two behaviors in a general area (e.g., run twice a week for 30 minutes vs exercise more, turn off the TV and computer at 8:00pm vs spend less time on electronics). Be realistic. Change takes time and effort. (And research now finds that habits take between 18-254 days to form (averaging 66 days not 21 as previously thought)                                         https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ejsp.674.
 
Also, consider resolutions that relate to promoting family health and strengthening family relationships. This effort can start with reducing family stress. The article “Managing Stress for a Healthy Family” offers the following five suggestions to help: (https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/managing-stress.aspx)
 
  • Evaluate your lifestyle. Model healthy behaviors for children
  • Talk about it. Initiate conversations and provide opportunities for your children to talk about their feelings. Ask how they are doing.
  • Create a healthy environment. Create a clear and relaxing physical environment
  • Focus on yourself. Make sure you are eating well and getting enough physical activity and sleep
  • Change one habit at a time. Focus on changing one behavior at a time to reduce feeling overwhelmed and increase success
 
Get everyone involved in setting family goals. Making positive lifestyle change is easier with support. Involving your children and partner can help. Focus the discussion on positive changes and point out achievements from the past year. The Gottman Institute offers the following suggestions as “resolutions that are easier kept as a family” 1) go to bed at the same time 2) unplug devices 3) eat meals together 4) create reading time 5) exercise as a family 6) work toward a financial goal 7) switch out soda and 8) go meatless one day a week. (See https://www.gottman.com/blog/make-new-years-resolutions-family-affair/) Make your new years resolutions a family affair).
 
 (For recommendations on helping children identify and set their OWN goals see https://www.parents.com/holiday/new-years/resolution/8-ways-to-help-kids-make-new-years-resolutions/).
 
Finally aim for gradual, ongoing change that is sustainable.  Think about what would work for you and your family. Don’t give up if you have a set back- life is full of unexpected challenges and some days are just hard. Getting back on track and working toward the goals you set for yourself or as a family is a great model for your children of resilience and perseverance.
 
Happy 2019! 
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“I can’t believe that my child lied to me….” By Amanda Hanson, Psy.D.

12/16/2018

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As children began to develop increased verbal and cognitive skills to navigate the world, they also begin to understand consequences, outcomes, reality, and fantasy. With this increased skill set, children often implement these skills in a variety of ways, including dishonesty and lying. Parents and caregivers commonly report concerns and frustration for when their child is dishonest with them, even about small things, as they are making efforts to teach their child about right and wrong. When the lying continues, parents and caregivers become frustrated and unknowingly engage in a pattern of behavior that can reinforce rather than detract from this common childhood behavior. If parents and caregivers are able to understand the common reasons why children lie, as well as develop positive communication and response skills, they will likely be able to prevent this issue from becoming a larger issue in the future.

Most often it is important to understand that young children are likely to use lies or dishonesty as a naïve approach to the world, as they lack sophistication cognitively and are still learning to process and organize information. Lying in young children is quite common, and does not necessarily mean that the child will grow up to be deceitful, but will rather outgrow the tendency to lie as more maturation continues. In understanding reasons as to why young children lie, the most common motivations are to avoid consequences or to not disappoint adults with their actions. The use of escape or avoidance of consequences is likely the most common reason for lying, as the child is learning at a higher level that behaviors have consequences, that can be negative in nature. As they begin to be taught morals and lessons of right from wrong, the potential for lying increases.

In order to effectively manage an interaction in which a parent or caregiver becomes aware their child is lying, the use of positive communication strategies should be utilized rather then emotional reactions. It is important for the parents and caregivers to practice going to “SLO CAMP,” when approaching the child in this situation

S- Separate the child from the behavior. Assisting the child in understanding that you may disapprove of their behavior, but you do not love them any less. Avoid using labels about your child, such as calling them a “liar” or “dishonest.” Speak to the behavior as being dishonest, not generalizing these terms to the child.
L- Lead by modeling and example. Attempt to avoid using lies, even little white lies when engaging in your life. Children are big proponents of using learned and observed behaviors, so if you use lies, your child is likely to model them, as it demonstrates that lying is “okay”
O- Opportunity. Use the lying behavior as a chance to understand why the child lied. Exploring reasons as to why the child lied to you and cannot be honest is an important piece of information. By validating feelings, and identifying that you understand that the child lied due to fear can be helpful in increasing opening the lines of communication and improving the child’s confidence in you in the future.
C- Remain Calm. Parents and caregivers typical first reaction is to become upset and frustrated when the child lies. The child is likely lying in order to avoid consequence and upsetting you, so when you approach in an emotional way, it is reinforcing as to why the child wants to avoid being honest. You are still able to express your feelings about the child’s behaviors, do so in a calm and goal-oriented way.
A- Avoid setting the child up to lie. Some parents will often ask their child questions that they already know the answer to in order catch the child in position to make choice between truth and lie. When the parents or caregivers already know the answer, the tone  of voice and approach is likely setting up the child to wants to avoid any further involvement, thus increasing the chances of lying. Use questions that allow the child to provide answers and focus on problem solving rather than punishment and shaming.
M- Mistakes are teaching moments. Using poor choices to help make better choices is the process of learning. Using a problem solving approach is going to be a more effective way in managing your child’s behaviors that become angry and frustrated. In that teachable moment, use active problem solving skills to help your child process their choices, and identify better ways to handle the situation next time.
P-Praise! When you child does admit a negative behavior or a poor choice, to you acknowledge and praise their honesty. While it does not take away from the negative action that has occurred, identifying the positive aspect to their approach is a good way to boost this decision for the future.
 
If you are able to stop, and take yourself to “SLO CAMP,” when faced with lying in young children, they are likely to begin to alter their behaviors with time. Remind yourself that behavior change is a process, and this behavior will not go away overnight. However, by implementing positive skills, the relationship with your child will begin to improve. If the lying continues to become a chronic issue and is being met with limited results, seek out professional assistance and guidance. ​
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    Parent and Child Psychological Services is a private practice serving children and families in the Sarasota, Florida area. The practice is owned and operated by Dr. Gibson, a Licensed Psychologist who is Board Certified in Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology. ​

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Parent and Child Psychological Services PLLC 
info@childtherapysrq.com
941.357.4090 (Office)
727.304.3619 (Fax)                                                                                                                                                               
4071 Bee Ridge Road, Suite 204                                                                                                              
Sarasota, FL 34233                                                                                                                                   
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