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How to get the most out of Your Own therapy By Rachel Funnell, LMFT

6/13/2019

Taking the first step to setting up a therapy session is very brave. You have decided that you are ready for something to change. But what do you do once you get there? What should you talk about and how honest can you be? How do you know if you’re making progress? Here are a few tips that therapist want you to know.

View therapy as a collaboration.
Your therapist is there to help you learn how to help yourself. Express your needs, ask questions, do the “homework” assignments and don’t be afraid to speak up if something doesn’t make sense. If you have something specific to talk about during the session then let the therapist know. This is your time and your therapist wants you to use it in anyway that will be beneficial to you.

Say anything in therapy.
People often censor themselves for fear of judgement or appearing impolite. However, saying what you really want to say will actually help lead you to making progress. Censoring yourself will only limit you. So speak up, whether it’s about how you don’t want to be in therapy, or you don’t like how the therapist said something or if you don’t understand why you keep having certain feelings about unrelated topics. Whatever comes to mind, say it. The therapist can only help with the information that you have given them. If you aren’t telling them how you’re really feeling, then they won’t be able to provide you with the appropriate advice or recommendations.

Do the work outside of the sessions.
Therapy sessions only last on average 50 mins and typically sessions are only once a week or every other week. If you limited your efforts to improving to just that time, it would take you forever to make any progress. This is why it’s so important to take the recommendations from your therapist and apply them outside of therapy. Do the “homework” assignments that are given to you. You will see progress quicker. If you are having trouble implementing the recommendations, then talk about it with your therapist so that you both can adjust them as needed.

Understand that progress takes time.
Therapy is a process and progress typically doesn’t happen quickly. Depending on how rooted the problem or issue is in your life, it could take months or years to completely be free from it. For some, it’s an ongoing process where they will be in and out of therapy depending on how the issue is affecting them at any particular time. However, if you feel like you have been in therapy awhile and there still isn’t any progress, talk to your therapist about it. Have an honest conversation about what could be stopping that progress from happening.

Success at Summer Camp by Sara Hofmann, Ph.D.

6/6/2019

For many families, summer break is a great chance to shake up the family routine by adding a day camp or sleepaway camp experience. For some kids, this change is seamless- but for others, the change in activity requires a little extra support to ensure that your child has the best experience possible! Here are some tips to make the transition as smooth as possible.

Sign up with a friend. It’s likely that your child will make lots of new friends at camp, but including a friend from the start may help your child adjust more quickly to the new environment.
Follow the child’s interests. Parents often have fond memories of their own camp experiences and want to create something similar for their child. If your child also loves tennis or chemistry, this can be a great way to share a passion. If your child is more excited about a different activity though, work with your child to find a camp that will cater to his or her unique area of interest.
Ensure the camp can accommodate your child. Many children have specific needs related to diet, accessibility, medication regimens, or other concerns. Before enrolling your child, speak with staff to ensure that they understand your child’s requirements and can accommodate those needs for the entire duration of the program without diminishing the camp experience.
Review skills for success. Both before and during camp, help your child to review skills they’ll need to be successful at camp. For sport-based camps, work with your child to run through foundational skills before the start of camp and practice new skills with them during camp to cement muscle memory. For sleepaway camp, talk through hygiene routines, organization of belongings, and any other pieces the child is worried about. A solid plan is essential for reducing anxiety and maximizing openness and fun!
Make it fun! Summer can be a great time to help children get caught up (or even get a little ahead) in academic areas- but don’t forget about the other, relaxed side of summer. Non-academic skills such as imaginative play, spontaneous problem-solving, teamwork, and leadership will improve during unstructured fun time at camp. These should also be an integral part of summer!

For more information:
http://www.seacoastkidscalendar.com/
www.tampabayparenting.com

Sleep Part 2: The Importance of Getting Enough Sleep By Kirsten Ellingsen, Ph.D.

6/1/2019

Part one of my blog series about sleep identified the recommend number of hours of sleep for optimal health for children and teens. This blog provides more information about the consequences of not getting adequate sleep and benefits when children do.

Why is sleep so important? Getting enough sleep is important for physical health, learning, and mood. Too little sleep at any age can affect cognitive functioning, emotional reactions, and a child’s ability to fight germs and stay well.

“Studies have shown that kids who regularly get an adequate amount of sleep have improved attention, behavior, learning, memory, and overall mental and physical health. Not getting enough sleep can lead to high blood pressure, obesity and even depression.” https://www.hopkinsallchildrens.org/ACH-News/General-News/The-importance-of-sleep-for-kids

When children and teens do not get adequate sleep on a regular basis the following negative effects can occur:

Physical Health:

Compromised immune system (so a child can get sick more often and easier) and growth
Higher rates of obesity and diabetes and risk for hypertension
Increased risk for injuries (more clumsiness and poorer motor coordination)

Mental Health and Cognitive Functioning:

Increased risk for anxiety and depression
Increased inattention and forgetfulness
More difficulty learning new information
More frequent temper tantrums and irritability for young children

Deficits in sleep can have long-term negative effects on brain functioning. https://www.webmd.com/children/features/good-sound-sleep-for-children#1
In addition, a “lack of sleep causes irritability, increased stress, forgetfulness, difficulties with learning and low motivation. Over time, it can contribute to anxiety and depression.”
https://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/Article?contentid=645&language=English.

Behaviors (symptoms) parents may see when children or teens are not getting enough sleep include the following:

Cognitive

Low interest, motivation and reduced attention
Increased forgetfulness
Blurred vision
Difficulty learning

Emotional

Increased moodiness and irritability
Increased impulsivity
Increased stress

Physical

Difficult to wake up in the morning
Falling asleep after being woken up
Yawning frequently
Complaining of feeling tired or wanting to nap
Reduced immune system function

(From:https://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/Article?contentid=645&language=English)

Getting an adequate amount of quality (uninterrupted and well-timed) sleep is restorative and important for the well being of children and teens. When the recommended amount of sleep is attained on regular basis there is “improved attention, behavior, learning, memory, emotional regulation, quality of life, and mental and physical health. https://aasm.org/recharge-with-sleep-pediatric-sleep-recommendations-promoting-optimal-health/. According to Sick Kids (Canada), children who consistently get a good night’s sleep are more creative, have better concentration, show better problem-solving abilities, make more positive decisions, learn and remember things better, have more energy, and make and maintain more positive relationships with others. There are many reasons why a child or teen does not get adequate sleep including medication, use of electronics, and stress. The final blog in this series will provide practical recommendations and resources to help facilitate better (and more) sleep for children and teens.

Please talk with you pediatrician if you have concerns about the amount or quality of sleep for children.

Additional Resources and References:

https://kidshealth.org/en/kids/not-tired.html
https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/sleep.html
https://www.parents.com/health/healthy-happy-kids/the-7-reasons-your-kid-needs-sleep/
https://childmind.org/article/happens-teenagers-dont-get-enough-sleep/
https://www.sleepfoundation.org/articles/children-and-sleep
https://aasm.org/recharge-with-sleep-pediatric-sleep-recommendations-promoting-optimal-health/

Making Summer Plans for the Child who Struggles in School by Tara Motzenbecker, M.S., NCSP

5/23/2019

Does your child struggle academically or behaviorally in school? If the answer is yes, many parents like you are left wondering what to do over the summer to make sure their child catches up academically or at least stays on track. You may be looking into academic programs or tutors for the summer. The school may suggest ideas for you. Well I am here to help you advocate for your child’s mental health needs. Summer is the perfect opportunity to allow children to engage in the activities that feel good, that they are good at and that leave them with higher self-esteem. Children that feel better about themselves will be better in other aspects of their lives.

Let’s think about a child that struggles to focus at school. He feels bad about himself because his grades are poor and he spends his afternoons doing hours of homework because he couldn’t get it done at school. This poor guy doesn’t get to grow his strengths because he is spending all of his time and energy on his vulnerabilities. Summer is his chance to focus on his strengths and to equip him with the self-esteem he will need to return to school in the fall. Maybe he loves fishing. Attending a fishing camp would make him feel excitement and motivation. He would have to pay close attention to learn how to tie a certain knot and then engage in trial and error until he succeeds in tying the knot. He has to be aware of his surroundings for safety. He has to stay quiet in order not to scare the fish away. These are all skills that will help him in school (and in life) and he will feel good about working on them because he is engaging in an activity that makes him happy.

So when you are deciding on your summer plan, pause if you start thinking, “what will catch him/her up academically?” and change that thought to, “what will make him/her happy?”. You’ll be pleased to find out that the latter thought will have a much more dramatic impact on your child’s academic future.

Talking to Teens/Tweens about Alcohol By Sara Hofmann, Ph.D.

5/16/2019

April 2019 was National Alcohol Awareness Month. While alcohol use is most often a topic for adults over 21, it’s also an important topic to review with tweens and teens, and it may need to happen earlier than you think. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) estimates that nearly one-third of teens have had at least one alcoholic drink by age 15, and nearly 60% of teens have tried alcohol by age 18. Early use of alcohol, especially binge drinking, has been linked to later diagnosis of alcohol use and drug disorders, legal issues, and low academic achievement.

The outcomes for youth who drink alcohol are often grim, but teens often have difficulty connecting potential negative outcomes with the allure of the present moment- which is entirely developmentally appropriate! The glorification of alcohol and drug use in popular media also makes it harder for parents to convey the seriousness of these actions to kids and teens. Given these challenges, what can parents do to help their children understand the gravity of early alcohol use and support the child in waiting until 21?

Talk to your child early and often about alcohol use. Explain that alcohol affects a person’s ability to make good decisions, think clearly, and assess risk. For people under 21, these effects are greater, and this is why the minimum drinking age of 21 exists.
Ask your child about his or her anticipated and/or past experiences of peer pressure related to alcohol. Help your child to brainstorm ways to respond to these situations.
Talk to your child about the dangers of getting into a car with a driver who has been drinking. Give your child explicit permission to call you any time for a safe ride, no questions asked.
Draw a clear line between legal, responsible alcohol use and underage and/or irresponsible use of alcohol. Having a beer or glass of wine with dinner shows tweens and teens that alcohol is not a taboo substance, but can be enjoyed responsibly by those adults over the age of 21.
Alcohol should not be provided to minors in your home, regardless of the amount. Even “just a sip” blurs the line between underage and adult use of alcohol.
Supervise all parties at your home, and require that other parties your child attends be supervised at all times by a responsible adult.
Get to know your child’s friends. Positive peers can serve as a buffer for alcohol-related peer pressure, and friendships with other peers who do not use alcohol will ensure that your child has a wide range of fun and sober activities to engage in with friends.
Encourage your child to participate in positive extracurricular activities like sports and hobbies that do not include alcohol.

When Should I Be Concerned?

Many signs of alcohol use overlap with other mental health issues such as depression or anxiety. However, if you see one or more of the following uncharacteristic signs, typically in conjunction with alcohol-specific symptoms, please talk with your child’s provider and pediatrician.

General Symptoms

The onset of problems at school in grades or behavior
Increasing rebelliousness
A change in your child’s peer group
Periodic issues with attention and memory
Lethargy or low energy
Mood changes (depression, irritability, anger)

Alcohol-Specific Symptoms

Signs of intoxication including problems with motor coordination, slurred speech, giddiness
Finding empty alcohol containers at home or in the child’s car or bag
Smelling alcohol on the child’s breath
Missing containers of alcohol
Lower levels of alcohol or diluted alcohol in containers

Parents are the biggest influence on a child. Talking to kids about safe and responsible alcohol consumption early on can make a huge difference in current and future drinking patterns! Talk to your kids about alcohol use as part of the transition to middle school, and check in regularly as they navigate middle and high school and the transition to college. Your job as a parent is to talk openly about alcohol, help your child to make safe choices, and help them to anticipate and plan for challenges to those safe choices. An open and non-judgmental space to talk with parents about alcohol can go a long way toward delaying youth drinking and alcohol-related problems.

Sources: SAMHSA, www.alcohol.org,

Sleep Blog Part 1: How much sleep do children need? By Kirsten Ellingsen, Ph.D.

5/11/2019

Sleep is essential for health and well-being, but many children and adults have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, and getting enough sleep. Not getting adequate sleep can negatively affect learning and mood for children and teens. In fact, the consequences of too little and poor quality sleep are vast, with short term and long term negative effects on physical health, mental health, and daily functioning.

This is the first of a three part blog series over the next few months about sleep. This blog will provide information about how much sleep is recommended for different ages. The second blog (next month) will describe negative consequences of not getting enough sleep for children and teens. The third blog (the month after) will offer recommendations to help improve the amount and quality of sleep for children and teens.

So how much sleep is needed for optimal health in children? The National Sleep Foundation provided the following updated recommendations on the ideal average sleep ranges by age:

Newborns (0-3 months): 14-17 hours each day (previously it was 12-18)
Infants (4-11 months): 12-15 hours (previously it was 14-15)
Toddlers (1-2 years): 11-14 hours (previously it was 12-14)
Preschoolers (3-5): 10-13 hours (previously it was 11-13)
School age children (6-13): 9-11 hours (previously it was 10-11)
Teenagers (14-17): 8-10 hours (previously it was 8.5-9.5)
Younger adults (18-25): Sleep range is 7-9 hours (new age category)
Adults (26-64): Sleep range did not change and remains 7-9 hours
Older adults (65+): Sleep range is 7-8 hours (new age category)

Similarly, in 2016, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) endorsed the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) guidelines that outlined recommended sleep duration for children from infants to teens. The consensus group recommended the following sleep hours (for a 24 hour period, including naps) on a regular basis to promote optimal health:

Infants 4 months to 12 months should sleep 12 to 16 hours
Children 1 to 2 years of age should sleep 11 to 14 hours
Children 3 to 5 years of age should sleep 10 to 13 hours
Children 6 to 12 years of age should sleep 9 to 12 hours
Teenagers 13 to 18 years of age should sleep 8 to 10 hours

Timing, regularity and quality of sleep are also important – and there are many reasons for not getting enough sleep. Medical conditions, medication side effects, stress or anxiety can all influence sleep duration and quality, as well as sleep environment, bedtime routines, and parent behaviors. If you have concerns about your child’s sleep please talk with your child’s pediatrician or a therapist with experience helping address pediatric sleep issues.

REFERENCES AND RESOURCES

Ways to Help Your Child with School Stress By Tara Motzenbecker, M.S., NCSP

5/2/2019

Does your child stress about school leaving you wondering how to help? You can use the ideas below to help your child and yourself develop some healthy ways to understand and deal with school related stress and to know when it’s more than a passing phase.

1. Take Care of the Feelings
It’s important to help kids know that all feelings are okay to feel- especially the hard ones like fear, anger, sadness, and frustration. Connecting and validating your child’s feelings allows for a more open pathway to helping the child learn emotional regulation from you, their parent who loves them unconditionally. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s book, The Whole Brain Child gives parents easy to understand brain science based strategies for developing healthy emotionally balanced brains which leads to healthy better balanced daily lives. Sometimes, just sitting with your child during their struggle is what the child needs the most. Especially, if the child is in full blow meltdown mode, then refrain from using “talk” problem solving strategies until the storm has passed because their ability to logically process is not available to them until the brain resets from the emotional stressor. Siegel refers to this as connecting right brain to right brain to provide support and understanding of the child’s feelings.

Once there is a state of calm, move on to simple connection sentences that fit the situation. An example could be, “It makes you mad when math doesn’t make sense,” or, “Subtraction can be confusing.” Now, it can be hard at times to validate feelings when the stressor makes no sense to us as the parent. For example, the child who is crying and upset because they can’t draw a tree for each season showing what it would look like in that season. Yes, this is a real homework dilemma. So what’s a parent to do? Identify and validate the feelings, make the connection to the right side of the brain that deals with emotions/creativity/experiences because once the right side calms down then it’s ready to play with the left side brain of logic. “This assignment is really hard for you. It’s frustrating that the trees don’t look like you want them to look. Tell me how you would like it to be.” And wait for the child to lead on what to do next.

2. Create Positive Problem Solving Pathways
Once, the emotional flood of the stress inducing crisis subsides it’s important to teach your child different ways of viewing difficulties in school. Set aside a few minutes each day to practice one of these activities to build up confidence and understanding.

Rose, Bud, Thorn is a game to review the day in short sentences using a rose as a metaphor for feelings and events of the day. The Rose is something good that happened today, the Thorn is something yucky, and the Bud is something to look forward to tomorrow. Notice the Thorn is sandwiched between the Rose and the Bud because that ends the activity on a positive note. Use a visual of a real or silk rose, bud and thorn for kids to hold so they can feel and see how petals look, thorns feel and buds are getting ready to bloom. Or go outside to look at real roses, thorns and buds.
Rate the Day is for ages 6 and up. This game builds an understanding that each day is different and some parts of a day may be better than other parts which instills hope that things can get better. Use a hand drawn number line 0-10 on a piece of paper. Explain the scale that a 0 day is an awful, no good very bad day while a 5 day is okay nothing terrible is happening but there’s also nothing wonderfully wonderful and if a day is a 10 then it is pretty awesome spectacular kind of day. Have the kids draw feeling faces to go with the numbers. This activity can be adapted to a shorter scale or just feeling faces.
Positive Talk, Leads to Positive Thought is a sentence replacement strategy that helps kids turn negative self-talk into more positive self-affirming statements. Kids needs to learn how to not let a passing feeling become a permanent self-identifier. So, if the words, “I am so dumb” come out of your child’s mouth then it is time to stop and help them find new positive words. “I am stupid” can become, “I feel stupid when I can’t spell the words right but I am working hard in spelling,” Or, “I just can’t do this. It is too hard,” can become, “I can learn to do this. It just takes time to learn. I am learning how to ____. It will get better,” Write replacements statements down to reference- colorful index cards work great. Make it fun. Keep it positive, keep it short.

3. Develop Emotional Understanding Through Books
Children’s literature is a natural place to find characters who children relate to in familiar situations like school, home and friendships. Now, some of the characters might not be human, but kids really do not care if it’s a happy pig or sad bunny or even a silly dinosaur. Kids are looking for shared common experiences in stories. Listed below are four books that can be helpful for stressed out kids:

Wilma Jean Worry Machine by Julia Cook
Wilma Jean does worry and stress about everything at school. Julia Cook writes awesome stories for kids, parents and educators to help children develop self-awareness and coping skills. Parent and educator note and tips in the back.

Leo the Late Bloomer by Robert Kraus
Leo is doing what Leo needs to do, but it’s different than the other animals in his class. This is a classic story of how we all develop at our own speed with support, love and understanding.

The Pout-Pout Fish Goes to School by Deborah Diesen
Pout-Pout struggles through his first day of school until he finds that help is available. This story is great for practice in turning those negative self-talk statements into positive declarations.

Addressing Test Anxiety By Sara Hofmann, Ph.D.

4/25/2019

As the end of the school year approaches, students of all ages are preparing for a barrage of tests- and for many students, that means months of test anxiety. Test anxiety often interferes with effective studying and recall, which negatively affects test performance and creates more fear for the next test. Fortunately, there’s a lot that parents can do to help children break this cycle.

Talk through the anxiety. Chances are, your child feels comfortable with many aspects of the test but a few are giving him or her pause. Is your child nervous about reading the questions, staying seated, or filling in a Scantron? Identifying the challenging parts of test-taking will help you and your child to address those specific issues, and also provides an opportunity to review the parts of test-taking that the child handles well.
Review skills for specific types of tests. Will your child need to know how to answer true/false questions? Fill in the blank? Multiple choice? Essay? Knowing what’s expected helps to reduce anxiety and suggests a set of teachable skills you can practice with your child at home.
Practice effective study skills. Cramming information the night before a test isn’t an effective way to retain information long-term. Assist your child in setting up a study schedule that incorporates a realistic timeframe and makes allowances for other commitments, like sports practice or a family trip.
Work smarter, not harder. Maybe you always used flashcards as a kid, or color-coded outlines were your guaranteed A strategy. However, your child’s cognitive processes may benefit most from a different strategy. Show your child a wide variety of options for studying and don’t forget about online options like Quizlet, Flashcards+, and SimpleMind.
Breathe. Test anxiety often manifests in body-based symptoms such as a pounding heart, shallow breathing, and muscle tension. To reduce these symptoms, teach your child a basic routine to reduce anxiety before tests: take three deep breaths, flex the hands, and stretch the neck and shoulders to release tension.
Get help when they need it. Your child may need extra support to do their best at school. Ask your child’s teacher about extra practice, tutoring, or other support available through the school. Online resources such as Khan Academy can also be helpful.
Keep it in perspective. Tests are important. However, chances are that your child also shines in a lot of other ways! The measure of success is not getting a perfect score on one test on one day. Your child is working hard on homework, extracurriculars, friendships, growing up, and being a positive member of your family. When he or she is feeling anxious, remind your child of past successes on tests as well as all the other ways in which they are successful on a daily basis.
Debrief. After the test, ask your child how they felt. If your child is happy with the grade they earned, review what steps he or she took to earn that grade and emphasize that the child’s effort created the positive outcome. If the grade is not what your child was hoping for, talk about what might work better next time. Help your child to identify techniques they may want to add or modify in the future to improve performance.

For more information:
http://www.pbs.org/parents
www.understood.org

Infant Sleep Safety By Amanda Hanson, Psy.D.

3/15/2019

Having a newborn addition to your family creates an increase in responsibility, decision making, and safety concerns. One area that new parents may have questions is in regard to sleeping behaviors for their infant. Safety is an important aspect to understand, and education about safety can assist in decreasing risk to your infant. The following are helpful recommendations made by the American Academy of Pediatrics regarding sleeping hygiene for your infant

Babies should be placed faced up, on their backs, every time to sleep. Once an infant is able to roll from back to stomach and stomach to back, the infant is able to sleep in the position they choose. Reserve “tummy time” for day time activities and not for sleep in order to decrease risk of suffocation.
No objects should be placed in the crib. Make sure the crib environment is free from miscellaneous items or toys. While stuffed animals may appear cute and decorative, remove them from the crib prior to sleeping.
The mattress should fit snug in the frame, as well as the fitted sheet.
Place the crib in a room that is smoke free.
The offer of a pacifier has been linked to a decrease in risk for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).
If breastfeeding, wait until breastfeeding is well-established before offering a pacifier.
The infant should return to own crib or bassinet following any feeding or comforting if brought to the parents’ bed, and before the parent returns to sleep
The temperature of the room should remain comfortable, similar to the need of a lightly clothed adult in order to avoid overheating of the infant.
Avoid over bundling the infant which can also increase overheating.
Never use propping up a bottle at naptime or bedtime.
Once the child learns to sit, lower the mattress in the crib, and lower even further when they learn to stand.
Respond to the infant’s cries during the night.

While some parents may feel that sleeping with their infant is beneficial, the act of co-sleeping is NOT recommended. Co-sleeping can increase risk of suffocation while the infant is sleeping. In order to avoid any potential accidents, co-sleeping should not be considered.
In order to promote healthy sleep for your infant at night, consider the following tips:

Use active playtime during the day. This is when “tummy time” would be appropriate.
Allow for skin-to-skin contact during the day.
Attending to your infant’s cries throughout the day in order to reduce the baby’s stress.
Consistency with meals, naps, and bedtime is beneficial.
The implementation of a bedtime routine can assist in healthy sleep. This may be in the form of a bath, gentle massage, or quiet time. Research supports that babies with bedtime routines fall asleep 30% faster, wakes up 50% less, and sleep for longer stretches of time.
Verbalizations, such as talking softly or singing to your infant before bed can be soothing.
Place your child in their crib when they appear to be tired, but are still slightly awake. This transition assists them in helping them to fall asleep on their own.
If your child appears restless, place them to bed 30 minutes earlier in order to avoid the infant becoming overly tired and attempting to fight off sleep with energy.
The use of background noise, such as soft music, a fan, or white noise may also help, as repetitive sounds can lull them to sleep.
Place a warm towel on your baby’s sheet and remove it before you place the child down.

In the event that your infant continues to struggle to fall asleep despite these healthy suggestions and tips, consider consulting with your pediatrician to discuss further.

Self-Regulation and Increasing Self-Control By Kirsten Ellingsen, PhD

3/9/2019

Self-control is about being able to regulate yourself. Self-regulation is the ability to manage behavior, control actions and productively manage emotions. Developing self-regulation involves understanding both behaviors and feelings, and being able to effectively control these across different situations. It includes calming down when frustrated, upset, or excited, controlling impulses, and focusing attention. It is important for academic achievement and learning in school, getting along with other children and making friends, and managing stress.

Helping your child learn self-regulation

Parents are the best example to model and teach self-regulation. Explain how you calmed down and managed your strong emotions and show strategies to your child when you are frustrated or upset.
Label and talk about feelings with your child (e.g., ‘did you throw that puzzle piece because you were frustrated?’ Remember to keep it simple (and do this when your child is calm).
Teach alternate behaviors and appropriate ways to react to “big” or difficult emotions. When a child is calm you can offer choices (e.g., that was hard when you could not get that piece in the puzzle, you could say “help” or take some belly breaths instead of throwing a piece next time).
Discuss rules and expectations for behaviors.
Identify consequences before a problem occurs, make sure these rules are consistently applied, and reviewed often with children.
Try to “catch” your child doing a positive behavior and making good choices.
PRAISE your child for demonstrating (even the smallest amount of) self-control and describe the positive behavior you observed.

You can play games to help children learn self-control such as red light/green light; mother may I.

According to https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201506/8-steps-help-your-child-develop-self-control
(see website for explanations of these steps)

1. The foundation of self-control is trust.
2. Children learn emotional regulation from our modeling.
3. The self-control capacity of the brain increases with practice.
4. Self-Control is CHOOSING to give up what we want for something we want more.
6. Empathic Limits give kids practice in self-discipline.
7. Waiting is good practice -- up to a point.
8. Children learn self-control naturally as they attempt to master their world.

Have reasonable and fair expectations for behavior

It is important to have realistic and developmentally (age) appropriate expectations for self-control.

Infants should be responded to right away and comforted to help them calm quickly.
For toddlers, use distraction, set up environment to minimize frustration and have reasonable expectations about how long they should be able to wait (e.g., for food, toys etc) – which is not very long! Talk about feelings and expectations for behavior very simply- particularly for aggressive behavior.
Children ages 3-5 can be expected to learn simple rules about behavior and some better self-control.
School age children (6-9)- you can discuss rules and consequences and help children make good choices. Remember to review and reward positive behavior.

When Should I be Concerned? Consider seeking professional help if your child’s problematic behavior appears to be more extreme, more frequent or more persistent compared to other same age children (or if you just need more support and specific strategies to support your child’s self-regulation and positive behavior).
In addition, children who have an underlying developmental disability will have more difficulty with impulsivity and self-control. If you have concerns about ADHD or other potential disabilities please talk with your pediatrician or a psychologist.

Resources
(https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/understanding-behaviour/self-regulation for more information about why it is important and tips to helping children increase self-regulation)
www.kidshealth.org

Author

Parent and Child Psychological Services is a private practice serving children and families in the Sarasota, Florida area. The practice is owned and operated by Dr. Gibson, a Licensed Psychologist who is Board Certified in Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology.

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Parent and Child Psychological Services PLLC
info@childtherapysrq.com
941.357.4090 (Office)
727.304.3619 (Fax)
4071 Bee Ridge Road, Suite 204
Sarasota, FL 34233