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Getting through the Hard Moment: Grounding Techniques By Kirsten Ellingsen, Ph.D.

4/15/2021

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Grounding involves using mental or physical strategies to focus attention to the present moment. It can help a person get through a difficult or seemingly overwhelming moment. Grounding techniques can be used when a child or teen is experiencing distressing or strong negative thoughts, emotions, panic or anxiety.
 
Grounding is different than other relaxation strategies. It is an active strategy to temporarily detach from emotional discomfort and connect thoughts and body to the “here and now”.  Grounding can be done anywhere and anytime. It is particularly helpful when negative thoughts feel uncontrollable.
 
 
Grounding Techniques
 
Ground with 5 Senses / 5-4-3-2-1 Senses Grounding:
Name 5 things you can see right now.
Name 4 Things you can feel. Feel them.
Name 3 things you can hear.
Name 2 things you can smell.
Name 1 thing you can taste (have mint or gum near). * Younger children might want to think about one thing they like to see, feel, hear, taste or smell.
 
Play a “categories” game. Choose a category and spend a few minutes thinking of as many items as you can for the category. Animals, comedy movies, songs with the word “LOVE” in the title, countries, cars, fruits and vegetables. Also, take turns doing this alphabetically. For example, name animals alphabetically (alligator, bear, cat…) or take turns naming fruit alphabetically with your child or teen (e.g., apple, blue berry, cantaloupe, dates).
 
Mental Exercises. Think about something else deliberately to take mind off distressing or uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. For example, describe steps to perform an activity you know well. Count backwards from 20. Count backwards from100 by 7. Think of an object and “draw” it in your mind or in the air with your finger.
 
Find items of the same color. Look for and name everything blue in the room. How many different shades of blue are there? (use any preferred color)
 
Come up with a coping statement that you (or your child) can repeat such as, “I can handle this”, “this feeling will pass”, “I am safe right now”. 
 
Physical grounding: Place both feet firmly on the ground, push and feel the ground below you. Stretch. Touch different objects around you. Notice how each object feels, texture, pattern.
Run cool water over your hands. Splash cold water on your face.
 
Stress Press: Flatten your palms and press them together, raising your arms so that your forearms are straight and parallel to the floor. Push them together and hold 5 seconds. Release arms down. Repeat.
 
Body Awareness Exercise: Focus on bodily sensations. Take 5 deep breaths, breathe in through nose and out through your mouth. 1) Place both feet on the floor and wiggle your toes. Pay attention to how your toes feel. 2) Stomp your feet on the ground several times. Notice the feeling of the floor beneath you. 3) Make a fist, clench your hands tightly then release several times. Notice how your hands feel 4) Rub your palms together quickly several times and feel the warm sensation when you stop 6) Stretch with your hands over your head high and slightly back behind ears your ears. Hold for 5 seconds. Bring your arms back down and relax arms. Take 5 more deep breaths.
 
Practice these grounding techniques with your child or teen when calm to be able to access them during times of stress.
 
Grounding does not solve the problem causing negative emotions, but it can help you regain control and prevent you from feeling worse. Understanding and learning coping strategies and solving the underlying problems that are contributing to distress, anxiety or strong negative emotions is important for long term well-being. Please reach out if you would like to discuss how we can help provide this support for you, your child or teen.
 
References and Additional Resources:

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/grounding-techniques.pdf
https://www.anxietycanada.com/articles/using-your-senses/
https://positivepsychology.com/grounding-techniques/


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What is an Individual Educational Plan (IEP) VS. a 504 Accommodation Plan? By Lauren Zakaib, Psy.S.

4/8/2021

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An IEP and 504 Accommodation Plan are both written and personalized documents for students with disabilities. However, they vary regarding the eligibility requirements and services they provide to children.

​An IEP is a written document that indicates a child is disabled and requires Exceptional Student Educational (ESE) services. Typically, once a child is evaluated and found eligible to receive educational services (outlined by state laws), an IEP is formed. Every student found eligible for ESE has an IEP. A child entitled to an IEP must have a disability which adversely affects their educational performance and/or ability to benefit from general education.

Below are the following common areas students may receive an IEP for:
  • Specific Learning Disability
  • Other Health Impairment
    • This includes, but is not limited to: asthma, attention deficit disorder or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, Tourette syndrome, diabetes, epilepsy, a heart condition, hemophilia, lead poisoning, leukemia, nephritis, rheumatic fever, sickle cell anemia, and acquired brain injury.
  • Speech Impairment
  • Language Impairment
  • Emotional/Behavioral Disability
  • Intellectual Disability
  • Developmental Delay
  • Autism Spectrum Disorder
  • Occupational Therapy
  • Orthopedically Impaired
  • Physical Therapy
  • Deaf/Hard of Hearing
  • Visually Impaired
  • Traumatic Brain Injury

An IEP is a tailored document that is individualized to address the students needs. An IEP may include: educational goals, along with clearly outlined services the school will provide and accommodations within the school setting. And IEP provides individualized supplemental educational services and supports, in addition to what is provided to students in the general education curriculum. The basis for most IEP laws is found in The Individual with Disabilities Education Act. The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) is a part of American legislation that safeguards students with a disability and ensures they are provided with a Free Appropriate Public Education (FAPE) that is personalized to their individual needs. Students with an IEP require a re-evaluation (either formal or informal) every three years by the IEP team to determine if services are still needed to support the student. A parent can request an IEP meeting at any time to address any concerns. An IEP is updated on a yearly basis.

A 504 Accommodation Plan is a document that also indicates a child has a disability and/or has an impairment (e.g., Anxiety, Selective Mutism), but only requires accommodations within the school setting. A 504 Accommodation Plan eliminates barriers that prevent students from participating to their fullest potential in the general education curriculum. The basis for a 504 Accommodation Plan can be found in Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973. Section 504 requires that reasonable accommodations be made for children to level the playing field. A common 504 Accommodation Plan for a student with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder may include, but not limited to: additional time, frequent cues and reminders, movement breaks, preferential seating, chunking of assignments, etc. Unlike an IEP, a 504 Accommodation Plan does not contain specific goals.
​
Do your best to know your child’s right and advocate on their behalf. If you suspect your child may have a Learning Disability, please contact us for a consultation.
  1. For additional information regarding students with disabilities, refer to the U.S. Department of Education’s Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) website: https://sites.ed.gov/idea/
  2. For Sarasota Public Schools information and procedures regarding students with disabilities refer to: https://beessgsw.org/#/Spp/Institution/f6909903-1422-4978-9c86-e5c5efa09241/Document/5fad5d0f-8e97-466e-b4ae-fc9a432c3749/Public

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Pediatric Mental health during the pandemic by tara motzenbecker, ms, ncsp

4/1/2021

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One of the most common inquiries I have been getting is if I have seen an increase in mental health problems in children during the pandemic.  I have been answering this question anecdotally, but now FAIR Health has released the data.  FAIR Health is an independent nonprofit that collects data for and manages the nation’s largest database of privately billed health insurance claims and is entrusted with Medicare Parts A, B and D claims data for 2013 to the present. 

Defining the pediatric population as individuals aged 0-22 years, and focusing on the age groups 13-18 years and 19-22 years, FAIR Health studied the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic on US pediatric mental health. To do so, FAIR Health analyzed data from its database of over 32 billion private healthcare claim records, tracking month-by-month changes from January to November 2020 compared to the same months in 2019. Aspects of pediatric mental health investigated include overall mental health, intentional self-harm, overdoses and substance use disorders, top mental health diagnoses, reasons for emergency room visits and state-by-state variations.

FAIR found that mental health claims for teens (ages 13-18) approximately doubled in March and April 2020 over the same months in the previous year. 
Other notable findings include:
  • Comparing August 2019 to August 2020 in the Northeast, for the age group 13-18, there was a 333.93 percent increase in intentional self-harm claim lines as a percentage of all medical claim lines, a rate higher than that in any other region in any month studied for that age group.
  • Claim lines for intentional self-harm as a percentage of all medical claim lines in the 13-18 age group increased 90.71 percent in March 2020 compared to March 2019. The increase was even larger when comparing April 2020 to April 2019, nearly doubling (99.83 percent).
  • For the age group 13-18, claim lines for overdoses increased 94.91 percent as a percentage of all medical claim lines in March 2020 and 119.31 percent in April 2020 over the same months the year before. Claim lines for substance use disorders also increased as a percentage of all medical claim lines in March (64.64 percent) and April (62.69 percent) 2020 as compared to their corresponding months in 2019.
  • For the age group 6-12, from spring to November 2020, claim lines for obsessive-compulsive disorder and tic disorders increased as a percentage of all medical claim lines from their levels in the corresponding months of 2019.
  • For the age group 13-18, in April 2020, claim lines for generalized anxiety disorder increased 93.6 percent as a percentage of all medical claim lines over April 2019, while major depressive disorder claim lines increased 83.9 percent and adjustment disorder claim lines 89.7 percent.
  • In general, the age group 19-22 had mental health trends similar to but less pronounced than the age group 13-18.

​This data demonstrates a profound impact on the mental health of children and the increased need for mental health services for children.  If your child is struggling, please speak to a mental health professional. 
 

For the full 34 page report from FAIR Health (March 2, 2021), Click here. 


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Teaching Basic Social Skills to Kids By Rachel Funnell, LMFT

3/18/2021

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Social Skills are an important part of life and they are critical for your children to learn. They can help your child not only be successful socially but also academically, emotionally, and personally. Children don’t readily know how to socialize, so it’s important to teach them how to socialize appropriately. If children don’t know how to socialize appropriately, it can lead to problems with job retention, relationship problems, legal problems, and lots of added stress. 

The basic social skills that kids need to be taught are following directions, using manners, working with others, taking turns, greetings, being a good sport, listening to others, understanding personal space, waiting and having patience.  Below are some ways to teach social skills to your children through different activities and in daily life. 

Following Directions:

Children that struggle with following directions tend to experience a variety of consequences including problems with school work and getting into trouble for misbehaving. To help your child learn how to follow directions it’s important for a parent to follow the following guidelines. 
  • Give a young child one direction at a time. 
    • Young children can’t remember multiple directions at once. 
  • Phrase your directions as statements not a question.
    • Questions imply that your child has an option to say no.
  • Remember that mistakes are normal. 
    • Young children do get distracted, forget or behave impulsively so view mistakes as an opportunity to help them learn. 
   
    Strategies to teach following directions:
  • Play games like Simon Says, Freeze, or Red Light, Green Light
  • Practice both verbal and visual directions
  • Teach and practice how to read directions before starting an assignment
  • Have your child highlight or underline directions on assignments before starting it

 Using Manners:

Manners help children show kindness and respect to others. It also allows others to respect the child. 


    Strategies to teach Using Manners: 
  • Post visuals of good manners, i.e.: “please”, “thank you”, “you’re welcome”
  • Model for your child by using your manners with them and in front of them
  • Actually teach your child about manners and discuss what manners to use in different situations
  • Play Go Fish but before asking for a card, have your child say “please” and when they receive the card, they need to say “thank you.” When they give a card and someone says “thank you” they say “you’re welcome”.
     
Working with others:

This skill is very important for children as they are in school and with their siblings. This includes listening, collaborating, helping and doing their fair share of the work. 

    Strategies to teach working with others:
  • Actually talk to your child about what working well with others looks like
  • Create opportunities for your child to work with you or other family members
  • Build things together like legos or marble runs
 
Taking Turns:

Sharing is big when it comes to making and keeping friends. Sharing also helps children feel good about themselves. 


    Strategies to teach taking turns:
  • Practice turn-taking with board games
  • Practice turn-taking with conversations
  • Explain what it means to take turns
 
Greetings:

Learning how to greet others helps children create a positive environment. It helps them to be inclusive and will help them when they are in the workplace. 


    Strategies to teach Greetings:
  • Model greeting your child and others
  • Teach different types of greetings
  • Model greetings in play when playing with dolls or action figures or other similar toys
 
Being a Good Sport:
​

Learning to be a good sport will help your children be respectful when they engage in games and activities. It can also help them learn how to cope with losing by focusing on having fun. 


    Strategies to teach being a good sport:
  • Teach and discuss expectations for being a good sport
  • Focus on having fun, playing and learning rather than winning
  • Give reminders about being a good sport before activities start
  • Model being a good sport 
  • Practice and discuss having a growth mindset when they do lose
   
Listening to Others:

Being a good listener is critical when building positive relationships with others. It’s important for children to learn how to focus on what others are saying and not be distracted by other things. 


    Strategies to teach listening to others:
  • Provide time to share thoughts and feelings
  • Teach basic listening skills like making eye contact, putting distractions away, thinking about what someone is saying, reflecting and validating
  • Model listening skills
  • Play the game telephone

​Understanding Personal Space:

Teaching your child about personal space helps your child learn how to make everyone feel comfortable in social situations. It also helps with teaching your child about consent when entering another's personal space. 


    Strategies to teach person space:
  • Teach your child that everyone has an invisible bubble around them and explain why having personal space is important
  • Act out what personal space looks like in different scenarios
  • Teach your child how to ask for permission if they want to get closer to someone or touch someone
  • Read books about person space
  
Waiting and Having Patience:

Developing patience is a critical skill to learn. Your children will have to wait for many things at home, school or in the community. By having patience, they are showing that they are respectful to all. 


    Strategies to teach waiting and having patience:
  • Teach strategies for what to do when waiting (doing something else, using positive self-talk, playing a game)
  • Discuss times when your child may have to wait and how to handle it
  • Read books about patience
  • Model being patient

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Keeping Teens Safe and Supported: What to know about Depression By Kirsten Ellingsen, PhD

3/11/2021

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Everyone feels sad or discouraged at times. These are normal and expected emotions. Mood can be up and down throughout a day. However, when mood remains low for an extended period of time and behaviors change it could indicate something more going on.
 
Rates of depression have been higher during the COVID-19 pandemic. Fears about health, family stress, loss, disappointments due to cancellations or quarantine, less social connection and reduced physical activity can all contribute to this increase.  While increased stress, worry and feelings of disappointment and sadness might be more common during this past year for teens, it is important to understand when depression is present and when there might be risk for self-harm or suicide.
 
What is Depression?
 
Depression is a medical illness. It affects mood, thinking and behavior. Depression can interfere with an ability to function in expected daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or school. Depression involves a low mood that often includes sadness, despair, and hopelessness that lasts for week or months. Depression interferes with participation in life – it changes thoughts, outlook, and behaviors and can affect friendships, family relationships, academic performance, and health. (See also
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/teen-depression/index.shtml
 
A person with depression might show increased negative mood, highly negative and self-critical thinking, and act and move differently. Given the increased rates of stress and isolation this year and the general expected mood fluctuations and changed behaviors during adolescence, how do you know when a teen is experiencing depression?
 
Signs of Depression for Teens
 
  • Persistent feeling of deep or overwhelming sadness or hopelessness.
  • Low energy or motivation.
  • Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements.
  • Low self-esteem.
  • Sleep changes. (Sleeping too much or difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep).
  • Loss of pleasure or interest in activities that were once enjoyed.
  • Withdrawing from friends and family. Avoiding others or spending more time alone.
  • Fixation on past failures or exaggerated self-blame or self-criticism
  • Anxiety and panic.
  • Worry and irritability. Lashing out in anger because of distress.
  • Difficulty organizing, concentrating, or remembering.
  • Less attention to personal hygiene or appearance
  • Negative thinking (Negative views of self, life and the world).
  • Feeling worthless and guilty.
  • Significant changes in appetite or weight.
  • Restlessness.
  • Angry outbursts, disruptive or risky behavior, or other acting-out behaviors
  • Poor concentration and ability to focus or pay attention in class.
  • Physical pain or headaches, stomachaches without a reason.
  • Self-harm and suicidal thoughts.
 
References:https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=understanding-teenage-depression-1-2220  https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/depression.html  https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/teen-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20350985
 
What Can Parents Do?
 
Know the emotional and behavioral signs of depression. These changes are present for weeks or months.
 
Questions to Consider for a parent from Child Mind:
  • Has your teen been sad or irritable most of the day, most days in a week for at least two weeks?
  • Lost interest in things that they used to really enjoy?
  • Have very little energy, very little motivation to do much of anything?
  • Express feeling worthless, hopeless about their future, or guilty about things that aren’t their fault?
  • Academic grades dropped or finding it hard to concentrate?
 
Parenting a Depressed Teenager: https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-your-depressed-teenager/
 
Talk with your teen. Be supportive. Ask direct questions (without getting upset or judging). Validate Feelings. Try to encourage healthy behaviors (adequate sleep, limiting social media, daily exercise and physical activity). Ask your teen to join you in an activity. Model healthy behaviors. Listen to problems without trying to fix them.
 
Questions you can ask your teen:
  • Do you constantly feel sad, anxious, or even “empty,” like you feel nothing?
  • Do you feel hopeless, empty, or like everything is going wrong?
  • Do you feel like you are worthless or helpless? Tired/drained/exhausted? Having trouble concentrating? Remembering information or making decisions?
  • Do you ever think about dying or suicide? Have you ever tried to harm yourself?
 
Do not ignore comments about death or suicide. Take any comment about suicide or self-harm seriously. 
 
From Risk factors and Warning Signs: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/how-we-can-all-prevent-suicide/  Has your teen talked about wanting to die or kill self? Talked about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live? Talked about unbearable pain or feeling trapped? Increased use of drugs or alcohol? Talked about being a burden to others? Showing rage or talked about seeking revenge? Had extreme mood swings?
 
If your teen is having thoughts of suicide get an evaluated by a mental health professional immediately. If the thoughts are really serious and there is imminent threat go to an ER.
 
Resources to Share for any Teen who might be Considering Suicide
CALL: In crisis and need help, call this toll-free number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (NSPL), available 24 hours a day, every day: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
The service is available to everyone. The deaf and hard of hearing can contact the Lifeline via TTY at 1-800-799-4889. All calls are confidential.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357)TEXT: Use TXT 4 HELP Interactive (www.nationalsafeplace.org/txt-4-help), which allows live texting with a mental health professional.
The Crisis Text Line is another free, confidential resource available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Text “HOME” to 741741 and a trained crisis counselor will respond to you with support and information over text message. Visit www.crisistextline.org.
If you (or your teen) see messages or live streaming video of suicidal behavior on social media, call 911 immediately, contact the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or text the Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741).
WEBSITES: Lifeline’s website at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

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The Importance of Cultivating a Growth Mindset in Children By Tara Motzenbecker, MS, NCSP

2/25/2021

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In order to explain what a growth mindset is, I prefer to use examples.  The opposite of a “growth” mindset is to have a “fixed” mindset.  One with a fixed mindset believes that an ability is there or not there.  “I am good at math” or “I am bad at math”. One with a growth mindset believes that there is flexibility in ability.  “I sometimes struggle with math but if I keep working at it and trying different ways, I’ll get it”. Which one of these kids feels better after a failed math test?  The one with a fixed mindset or the one with a growth mindset?  Yes, the growth mindset child may be disappointed but they are going to pick themselves up and try something new.  They believe in their ability to get it, eventually. The one with the fixed mindset may give up and not bother trying anymore. 

We want our children to believe that their effort pays off.  So, how do we help instill a growth mindset in children?  One way is to role model. Talk about your mistakes and how you recovered and persevered.  Talk about what has been difficult for you in the past or the present. Show your children how you are problem solving through it and will keep persisting. Another way is to praise their process rather than their outcome.  Instead of “Wahoo! You scored two goals in that game!”, tell them, “Wahoo!  You ran so hard and really pushed through feeling a little tired this morning”. Instead of “You’re a natural at that!”, say, “Wow, I wonder what your next challenge could be to work towards”. If we show children that we only care about the outcome, they will be disheartened when something is difficult for them or they are not perfect at something.  Then they are more likely to give up. We want them to know that sometimes we all fail, make mistakes or have difficulty.  What matters and what will give us the longest-lasting positive effect, is to keep working and trying new ways. 

My favorite way of introducing this concept to children is using books.  The books help explain it on a child’s level and the metaphor from the books can be used day-to-day.  My favorite is BubbleGum Brain. This book demonstrates how to unwrap your gum wrapper so your brain can be flexible and grow and stretch.  

If you’re interested in assessing your mindset (for ages 12 and up), you can do so here.

Finally, if you read all of this and are beating yourself up for not having a growth mindset or teaching your children to have one, just remember, you don’t have a growth mindset YET, but you can always try something new.  

​

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Understanding Temper Tantrums By Rachel Funnell, LMFT

2/18/2021

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Parents everywhere know all too well that kids tantrum. It’s something that happens everyday, several times a day and at times seem to come out of nowhere. As parents, we often get frustrated when our children have a tantrum especially when it happens at an inconvenient time like the grocery store. Sometimes parents will also feel like they are not being a good parent or that their kids don’t love them because of the things that children say or do during a tantrum. 
    
As parents it’s important to remember that temper tantrums are normal and common for children ages 1-3 years old. The reason for this is because their social and emotional skills are just beginning to develop and they don’t have the vocabulary or knowledge on how to express themselves. Toddlers are experiencing big emotions and need help learning how to express them appropriately. But before a parent can teach their child how to manage their emotions, it’s important to understand what tantrums mean and what they don’t mean. 

    
What Tantrums Don’t Mean:
  • I hate you
  • You’re mean
  • You’re a bad parent
  • I’m a bad child
  • I’m manipulating you
  • I need you to meet every demand that I’m yelling
  • I need you to punish me

    What Tantrums Do Mean:
  • I’m overwhelmed
  • I’m trying to tell you about a need I have
  • I’m possibly hungry, tired, overwhelmed, lonely or angry and I don’t know how to handle that yet
  • I need to learn a new way to ask you for this need when I am calm
  • I’m new at figuring out big feelings
  • My brain can’t understand you when I’m feeling this much emotion
  • I need you to be calm so I can figure out these feelings
  • I don’t want to be acting this way
  • I’m watching how you respond to my big feelings so I know how to respond next time
  • I love you and feel safe with you 

    It’s important to remember that having a tantrum from time to time is developmentally appropriate. If your child was not having tantrums at this age then that would be something that’s out of the normal. While tantrums are inevitable, you can do a few things to reduce the likelihood of them occurring. 
  • Reduce stress related to being tired, hungry or overstimulated
  • Pay attention to your child’s feelings. This will help you to anticipate certain feelings and prevent them from becoming too big. 
  • Identify any tantrum triggers. Like certain places or times of the day
  • Talk about emotions with your child. Explain what each one means, looks like, feels like. 
  • Stay calm during the tantrum - speak in a calm tone 
  • Acknowledge your child’s feelings rather than telling them to get over it
  • Ignore attention seeking behaviors that are non aggressive
  • Praise your child every time they are able to control or express their emotions appropriately
  • Don’t give in if the tantrum is happening because your child wants something. That will only teach them to tantrum in the future to get things
  • Be consistent with your approach 

    Dealing with tantrums can be very draining and stressful. But understand that this is developmentally appropriate and a great way for you to teach your child how to manage their big emotions appropriately. 

​

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Move to Feel Better: Mental Health Benefits of Exercise By Kirsten Ellingsen, PhD

2/11/2021

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Exercise has many proven physical benefits. It also has benefits for mental health and well-being. In addition to improving sleep and reducing stress, exercise on a regular basis tends to reduce depression and anxiety. Regular physical activity can improve mood and thinking. Even walking just three times a week (for 30 minutes) has benefits. Both anaerobic (weightlifting, interval training) and aerobic activity (walking, running, biking, swimming) can enhance mental health.
 
A review of several potential benefits of exercise is presented in the online Huffington post article 13 Mental Health Benefits of Exercise at: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/mental-health-benefits-exercise_n_2956099. The benefits included: Reduce Stress, Boost Happy Chemicals, Improve Self-confidence, Enjoy the Great outdoors, Prevent Cognitive Decline, Boost Brainpower, Sharpen Memory, Help Control Addiction, Increase Relaxation, Get More Done, Tap into Creativity, and Inspire Others.
 
Physical activity is an easy and effective strategy to reduce stress. In the past year many sports programs and after-school activities have been limited or cancelled. Any teen I work with will attest to my (frequently encouraged) “foundation of feeling good” message as: get 20 minutes of exercise a day, get adequate sleep, and eat (mostly) healthy food. This in no way is intended to minimize the experience of distress, anxiety, overwhelming stress, sadness or negative self-concept, but it is an important component to support emotional functioning and overall health.
 
Making it a priority to get out and get moving every day is even more important now, during a pandemic when so much time is spent siting inside (and on screens). 
 
Getting 30 minutes a day of physical activity (3-5 days a week) may also significantly improve anxiety and depression symptoms. Read more in the article Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms at https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495. 
 
Helping your child start exercising is particularly important when there is depression, as motivation to begin exercise or engage in physical activity may be low. A child or teen might be tired and express reluctance and “just not feel like it”. Starting regular physical activity before feeling motivated is important. Waiting for motivation to start exercising is not a realistic or helpful plan, particularly when someone feels generally tired or lethargic.

Exercise can actually increase energy and boost productivity.
 
Talk about and identify any obstacles to getting exercise and work with your child/teen to problem solve. Help determine when and what they can do each day.  Plan in advance and find something enjoyable. If time constraints are an issue, break up walks to 10-15 minute intervals (you/your child will still get health benefits). Walk with your child before or after dinner. Walk the dog together in the morning. Do a yoga video together. Do family bike rides. Model exercise and being physically active. Help set routines that include daily physical activity. View and talk about physical activity not as a chore, but as a tool to help become or stay healthy. Make it a priority to move. For a free worksheet to plan and document on the Mental Health Benefits of Exercise see:
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/mental-health-exercise-benefits
 

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Teen Dating Violence By Kate Gibson, PsyD, ABPP

2/7/2021

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Violence within intimate relationships is an uncomfortable topic for many people. Even more so is the idea that violence can occur within teen relationships. But it can and it does. Here are some statistics from the CDC (https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teendatingviolence/fastfact.html)
  • Nearly 1 in 11 female and approximately 1 in 15 male high school students report having experienced physical dating violence in the last year.
  • About 1 in 9 female and 1 in 36 male high school students report having experienced sexual dating violence in the last year.
  • 26% of women and 15% of men who were victims of contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime first experienced these or other forms of violence by that partner before age 18

Teens are striving for independence at this phase of life, so seeking help from adults can be particularly difficult during this developmental stage. With the topic of teen dating violence itself being taboo and the challenges teens face in reaching out for help it is important for the adults in their lives to be aware of the warning signs. In order to help our teens enter into safe and healthy relationships we need to teach them about healthy relationships, understand what can go wrong in those relationships, create open lines of communication with our teens, model healthy relationships, and have resources available for teens who find themselves in difficult relationships.

Healthy relationships involve respect, honesty, open communication, compromise, boundaries and consent. Healthy relationships are not problem free, but the respect and trust the two people have allows them to resolve disagreements in safe and productive ways. In healthy relationships each person can have their own interests and other important relationships outside of the dating relationship. Each person is able to make their own choices, and though they might take their partner’s thoughts and feelings into account, there is not undue pressure to put their partner’s preferences above their own.
Relationships can become unhealthy without being violent or abusive. If you know a teen who is in a relationship that seems to have some unhealthy dynamics do not wait to see what happens. Teens are just learning about relationships. The sooner we can give them guidance about what is healthy and how to work toward making a relationship healthier the better. Unhealthy teen relationship dynamics tend to worsen rather than improve over time without outside support.

​Abusive relationships involve the use of power, coercion and/or violence (see the Teen Dating Power and Control Wheel). 

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In a healthy relationship a person will take accountability for doing or saying something unkind or overreacting. In an abusive relationship the person will deny they did anything wrong or blame the other person. Abusive relationships involve threats and intimidation. Abusive teens may try to use social status, peer pressure or popularity to manipulate their partner. They may control access to social events and friends. Threats may involve how they will portray the person or things they will share on social media. Social media can be used to monitor the person’s whereabouts or actions. It is common to try to isolate the partner from friends and family. Emotional abuse often occurs and can take many forms. Jealousy and anger are red flags to watch out for as well. There can be sexual coercion, sexual assault, or physical violence. All of these dynamics are designed to keep the abusive partner in control and the other partner dependent on their partner and the relationship. If a teen has begun to behave abusively that person would benefit from therapy or some kind of professional intervention to learn to change their behavior. Teen dating violence can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and trauma. A teen who has endured abuse in a dating relationship may need or benefit from supportive or trauma-focused therapy as well.

Parents can start conversations early about healthy relationships. Look for opportunities to model healthy conflict resolution as well as proactive thoughtfulness and respect with your own partner. If your teens just don’t want to talk to you consider suggesting or connecting them to another trusted adult family member or family friend. Another option is to get fact sheets from the websites listed in the references here to provide to your teen. If your teen likes video games there have been recent efforts to create video games to promote healthy relationship dynamics. Check out https://jagga.me/ for a bunch of games about healthy relationships and teen dating violence.
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If you see warning signs take them seriously and get your teen some support!  
 
References and Resources:
CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teendatingviolence/fastfact.html
https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/ipv/TDV-factsheet_2020.pdf
Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth, Minnesota
Jag Games: https://jagga.me/
Love is Respect: https://www.loveisrespect.org/
National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence- Teen Power and Control Wheel
Teen Dating Violence Month Webpage: https://www.teendvmonth.org/
Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) certified therapists for survivors of teen dating violence: https://tfcbt.org/members/
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Emotional Intelligence By Tara Motzenbecker, MS, NCSP

1/21/2021

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Research tells us that the ability to understand and to manage emotions is directly correlated to academic achievement. So, when you have a child that is struggling academically, instead of torturing them with more work, more hours sitting, or more time feeling inadequate, instead use the time to work on their emotional intelligence.

Dr. John Gottman provides five easy steps for parents who want to be emotion “coaches”:
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Step 1: Be aware of your child’s emotions.
Parents who emotion coach are aware of their own feelings and sensitive to the emotions present in their children. They do not require their child to amp up their emotional expression for the feelings to be acknowledged.

Step 2: See emotions as an opportunity for connection and teaching.
Children’s emotions are not an inconvenience or a challenge. They are an opportunity to connect with your child and coach them through a challenging feeling. Instead of, “that’s not something to cry about”, simply state, “I know, that makes you really sad”. 

Step 3: Listen and validate the feelings.
Give your child your full attention while you listen to their emotional expression. Reflect back what you hear, thus telling your child you understand what they’re seeing and experiencing.

Step 4: Label their emotions.
After you have fully listened, help your child develop an awareness of and vocabulary for their emotional expression.

Step 5: Help your child problem-solve with limits.
All emotions are acceptable but all behaviors are not. Help your child cope with his or her emotions by developing problem-solving skills. Limit the expression to appropriate behaviors. This involves helping your child set goals and generating solutions to reach those goals.



Remember, emotional intelligence is not necessarily intuitive and natural.  Parents play a crucial role in role-modeling and coaching skills that may otherwise never be fully developed. If you would like more information or would like assistance in coaching your child, please contact a mental health professional. 

Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (1997). Raising an emotionally intelligent child. New York, N.Y.: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks. ​
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    Parent and Child Psychological Services is a private practice serving children and families in the Sarasota, Florida area. The practice is owned and operated by Dr. Gibson, a Licensed Psychologist who is Board Certified in Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology. ​

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