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Parent and Child Psychological Services PLLC 
941.357.4090 (Office)/ 727.304.3619 (Fax)
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The Importance of Cultivating a Growth Mindset in Children By Tara Motzenbecker, MS, NCSP

2/25/2021

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In order to explain what a growth mindset is, I prefer to use examples.  The opposite of a “growth” mindset is to have a “fixed” mindset.  One with a fixed mindset believes that an ability is there or not there.  “I am good at math” or “I am bad at math”. One with a growth mindset believes that there is flexibility in ability.  “I sometimes struggle with math but if I keep working at it and trying different ways, I’ll get it”. Which one of these kids feels better after a failed math test?  The one with a fixed mindset or the one with a growth mindset?  Yes, the growth mindset child may be disappointed but they are going to pick themselves up and try something new.  They believe in their ability to get it, eventually. The one with the fixed mindset may give up and not bother trying anymore. 

We want our children to believe that their effort pays off.  So, how do we help instill a growth mindset in children?  One way is to role model. Talk about your mistakes and how you recovered and persevered.  Talk about what has been difficult for you in the past or the present. Show your children how you are problem solving through it and will keep persisting. Another way is to praise their process rather than their outcome.  Instead of “Wahoo! You scored two goals in that game!”, tell them, “Wahoo!  You ran so hard and really pushed through feeling a little tired this morning”. Instead of “You’re a natural at that!”, say, “Wow, I wonder what your next challenge could be to work towards”. If we show children that we only care about the outcome, they will be disheartened when something is difficult for them or they are not perfect at something.  Then they are more likely to give up. We want them to know that sometimes we all fail, make mistakes or have difficulty.  What matters and what will give us the longest-lasting positive effect, is to keep working and trying new ways. 

My favorite way of introducing this concept to children is using books.  The books help explain it on a child’s level and the metaphor from the books can be used day-to-day.  My favorite is BubbleGum Brain. This book demonstrates how to unwrap your gum wrapper so your brain can be flexible and grow and stretch.  

If you’re interested in assessing your mindset (for ages 12 and up), you can do so here.

Finally, if you read all of this and are beating yourself up for not having a growth mindset or teaching your children to have one, just remember, you don’t have a growth mindset YET, but you can always try something new.  

​

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Understanding Temper Tantrums By Rachel Funnell, LMFT

2/18/2021

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Parents everywhere know all too well that kids tantrum. It’s something that happens everyday, several times a day and at times seem to come out of nowhere. As parents, we often get frustrated when our children have a tantrum especially when it happens at an inconvenient time like the grocery store. Sometimes parents will also feel like they are not being a good parent or that their kids don’t love them because of the things that children say or do during a tantrum. 
    
As parents it’s important to remember that temper tantrums are normal and common for children ages 1-3 years old. The reason for this is because their social and emotional skills are just beginning to develop and they don’t have the vocabulary or knowledge on how to express themselves. Toddlers are experiencing big emotions and need help learning how to express them appropriately. But before a parent can teach their child how to manage their emotions, it’s important to understand what tantrums mean and what they don’t mean. 

    
What Tantrums Don’t Mean:
  • I hate you
  • You’re mean
  • You’re a bad parent
  • I’m a bad child
  • I’m manipulating you
  • I need you to meet every demand that I’m yelling
  • I need you to punish me

    What Tantrums Do Mean:
  • I’m overwhelmed
  • I’m trying to tell you about a need I have
  • I’m possibly hungry, tired, overwhelmed, lonely or angry and I don’t know how to handle that yet
  • I need to learn a new way to ask you for this need when I am calm
  • I’m new at figuring out big feelings
  • My brain can’t understand you when I’m feeling this much emotion
  • I need you to be calm so I can figure out these feelings
  • I don’t want to be acting this way
  • I’m watching how you respond to my big feelings so I know how to respond next time
  • I love you and feel safe with you 

    It’s important to remember that having a tantrum from time to time is developmentally appropriate. If your child was not having tantrums at this age then that would be something that’s out of the normal. While tantrums are inevitable, you can do a few things to reduce the likelihood of them occurring. 
  • Reduce stress related to being tired, hungry or overstimulated
  • Pay attention to your child’s feelings. This will help you to anticipate certain feelings and prevent them from becoming too big. 
  • Identify any tantrum triggers. Like certain places or times of the day
  • Talk about emotions with your child. Explain what each one means, looks like, feels like. 
  • Stay calm during the tantrum - speak in a calm tone 
  • Acknowledge your child’s feelings rather than telling them to get over it
  • Ignore attention seeking behaviors that are non aggressive
  • Praise your child every time they are able to control or express their emotions appropriately
  • Don’t give in if the tantrum is happening because your child wants something. That will only teach them to tantrum in the future to get things
  • Be consistent with your approach 

    Dealing with tantrums can be very draining and stressful. But understand that this is developmentally appropriate and a great way for you to teach your child how to manage their big emotions appropriately. 

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Move to Feel Better: Mental Health Benefits of Exercise By Kirsten Ellingsen, PhD

2/11/2021

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Exercise has many proven physical benefits. It also has benefits for mental health and well-being. In addition to improving sleep and reducing stress, exercise on a regular basis tends to reduce depression and anxiety. Regular physical activity can improve mood and thinking. Even walking just three times a week (for 30 minutes) has benefits. Both anaerobic (weightlifting, interval training) and aerobic activity (walking, running, biking, swimming) can enhance mental health.
 
A review of several potential benefits of exercise is presented in the online Huffington post article 13 Mental Health Benefits of Exercise at: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/mental-health-benefits-exercise_n_2956099. The benefits included: Reduce Stress, Boost Happy Chemicals, Improve Self-confidence, Enjoy the Great outdoors, Prevent Cognitive Decline, Boost Brainpower, Sharpen Memory, Help Control Addiction, Increase Relaxation, Get More Done, Tap into Creativity, and Inspire Others.
 
Physical activity is an easy and effective strategy to reduce stress. In the past year many sports programs and after-school activities have been limited or cancelled. Any teen I work with will attest to my (frequently encouraged) “foundation of feeling good” message as: get 20 minutes of exercise a day, get adequate sleep, and eat (mostly) healthy food. This in no way is intended to minimize the experience of distress, anxiety, overwhelming stress, sadness or negative self-concept, but it is an important component to support emotional functioning and overall health.
 
Making it a priority to get out and get moving every day is even more important now, during a pandemic when so much time is spent siting inside (and on screens). 
 
Getting 30 minutes a day of physical activity (3-5 days a week) may also significantly improve anxiety and depression symptoms. Read more in the article Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms at https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495. 
 
Helping your child start exercising is particularly important when there is depression, as motivation to begin exercise or engage in physical activity may be low. A child or teen might be tired and express reluctance and “just not feel like it”. Starting regular physical activity before feeling motivated is important. Waiting for motivation to start exercising is not a realistic or helpful plan, particularly when someone feels generally tired or lethargic.

Exercise can actually increase energy and boost productivity.
 
Talk about and identify any obstacles to getting exercise and work with your child/teen to problem solve. Help determine when and what they can do each day.  Plan in advance and find something enjoyable. If time constraints are an issue, break up walks to 10-15 minute intervals (you/your child will still get health benefits). Walk with your child before or after dinner. Walk the dog together in the morning. Do a yoga video together. Do family bike rides. Model exercise and being physically active. Help set routines that include daily physical activity. View and talk about physical activity not as a chore, but as a tool to help become or stay healthy. Make it a priority to move. For a free worksheet to plan and document on the Mental Health Benefits of Exercise see:
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/mental-health-exercise-benefits
 

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Teen Dating Violence By Kate Gibson, PsyD, ABPP

2/7/2021

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Violence within intimate relationships is an uncomfortable topic for many people. Even more so is the idea that violence can occur within teen relationships. But it can and it does. Here are some statistics from the CDC (https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teendatingviolence/fastfact.html)
  • Nearly 1 in 11 female and approximately 1 in 15 male high school students report having experienced physical dating violence in the last year.
  • About 1 in 9 female and 1 in 36 male high school students report having experienced sexual dating violence in the last year.
  • 26% of women and 15% of men who were victims of contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime first experienced these or other forms of violence by that partner before age 18

Teens are striving for independence at this phase of life, so seeking help from adults can be particularly difficult during this developmental stage. With the topic of teen dating violence itself being taboo and the challenges teens face in reaching out for help it is important for the adults in their lives to be aware of the warning signs. In order to help our teens enter into safe and healthy relationships we need to teach them about healthy relationships, understand what can go wrong in those relationships, create open lines of communication with our teens, model healthy relationships, and have resources available for teens who find themselves in difficult relationships.

Healthy relationships involve respect, honesty, open communication, compromise, boundaries and consent. Healthy relationships are not problem free, but the respect and trust the two people have allows them to resolve disagreements in safe and productive ways. In healthy relationships each person can have their own interests and other important relationships outside of the dating relationship. Each person is able to make their own choices, and though they might take their partner’s thoughts and feelings into account, there is not undue pressure to put their partner’s preferences above their own.
Relationships can become unhealthy without being violent or abusive. If you know a teen who is in a relationship that seems to have some unhealthy dynamics do not wait to see what happens. Teens are just learning about relationships. The sooner we can give them guidance about what is healthy and how to work toward making a relationship healthier the better. Unhealthy teen relationship dynamics tend to worsen rather than improve over time without outside support.

​Abusive relationships involve the use of power, coercion and/or violence (see the Teen Dating Power and Control Wheel). 

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In a healthy relationship a person will take accountability for doing or saying something unkind or overreacting. In an abusive relationship the person will deny they did anything wrong or blame the other person. Abusive relationships involve threats and intimidation. Abusive teens may try to use social status, peer pressure or popularity to manipulate their partner. They may control access to social events and friends. Threats may involve how they will portray the person or things they will share on social media. Social media can be used to monitor the person’s whereabouts or actions. It is common to try to isolate the partner from friends and family. Emotional abuse often occurs and can take many forms. Jealousy and anger are red flags to watch out for as well. There can be sexual coercion, sexual assault, or physical violence. All of these dynamics are designed to keep the abusive partner in control and the other partner dependent on their partner and the relationship. If a teen has begun to behave abusively that person would benefit from therapy or some kind of professional intervention to learn to change their behavior. Teen dating violence can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and trauma. A teen who has endured abuse in a dating relationship may need or benefit from supportive or trauma-focused therapy as well.

Parents can start conversations early about healthy relationships. Look for opportunities to model healthy conflict resolution as well as proactive thoughtfulness and respect with your own partner. If your teens just don’t want to talk to you consider suggesting or connecting them to another trusted adult family member or family friend. Another option is to get fact sheets from the websites listed in the references here to provide to your teen. If your teen likes video games there have been recent efforts to create video games to promote healthy relationship dynamics. Check out https://jagga.me/ for a bunch of games about healthy relationships and teen dating violence.
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If you see warning signs take them seriously and get your teen some support!  
 
References and Resources:
CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teendatingviolence/fastfact.html
https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/ipv/TDV-factsheet_2020.pdf
Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth, Minnesota
Jag Games: https://jagga.me/
Love is Respect: https://www.loveisrespect.org/
National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence- Teen Power and Control Wheel
Teen Dating Violence Month Webpage: https://www.teendvmonth.org/
Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) certified therapists for survivors of teen dating violence: https://tfcbt.org/members/
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    Parent and Child Psychological Services is a private practice serving children and families in the Sarasota, Florida area. The practice is owned and operated by Dr. Gibson, a Licensed Psychologist who is Board Certified in Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology. ​

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Parent and Child Psychological Services PLLC 
info@childtherapysrq.com
941.357.4090 (Office)
727.304.3619 (Fax)                                                                                                                                                               
4071 Bee Ridge Road, Suite 204                                                                                                              
Sarasota, FL 34233                                                                                                                                   
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