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Parent and Child Psychological Services PLLC 
941.357.4090 (Office)/ 727.304.3619 (Fax)
​Instagram: @childtherapysrq

Emotional Intelligence By Tara Motzenbecker, MS, NCSP

1/21/2021

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Research tells us that the ability to understand and to manage emotions is directly correlated to academic achievement. So, when you have a child that is struggling academically, instead of torturing them with more work, more hours sitting, or more time feeling inadequate, instead use the time to work on their emotional intelligence.

Dr. John Gottman provides five easy steps for parents who want to be emotion “coaches”:
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Step 1: Be aware of your child’s emotions.
Parents who emotion coach are aware of their own feelings and sensitive to the emotions present in their children. They do not require their child to amp up their emotional expression for the feelings to be acknowledged.

Step 2: See emotions as an opportunity for connection and teaching.
Children’s emotions are not an inconvenience or a challenge. They are an opportunity to connect with your child and coach them through a challenging feeling. Instead of, “that’s not something to cry about”, simply state, “I know, that makes you really sad”. 

Step 3: Listen and validate the feelings.
Give your child your full attention while you listen to their emotional expression. Reflect back what you hear, thus telling your child you understand what they’re seeing and experiencing.

Step 4: Label their emotions.
After you have fully listened, help your child develop an awareness of and vocabulary for their emotional expression.

Step 5: Help your child problem-solve with limits.
All emotions are acceptable but all behaviors are not. Help your child cope with his or her emotions by developing problem-solving skills. Limit the expression to appropriate behaviors. This involves helping your child set goals and generating solutions to reach those goals.



Remember, emotional intelligence is not necessarily intuitive and natural.  Parents play a crucial role in role-modeling and coaching skills that may otherwise never be fully developed. If you would like more information or would like assistance in coaching your child, please contact a mental health professional. 

Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (1997). Raising an emotionally intelligent child. New York, N.Y.: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks. ​
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Trauma Informed Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) By Rachel Funnell, LMFT

1/14/2021

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What is Trauma Informed Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT)?

    TF-CBT is an evidence-based treatment that helps children and adolescents recover after a trauma. It is a structured, short-term therapy that works with the child/adolescent (ages 3-18) and caregiver, to improve traumatic symptoms in around 12-25 sessions. The therapeutic interventions are designed to help children, adolescents and their caregivers overcome the impact of traumatic events. It can be used with any type of trauma-such as sexual abuse, physical abuse, domestic viloence, community violence, unexpected death of a loved one, natural disasters and war. It even addresses complex traumas which involve more than one specific trauma. 

What can I expect from TF-CBT treatment?

    TF-CBT involves individual sessions for the child or adolescent, individual sessions for the parents and conjoint sessions between the parent and child/adolescent. During the child/adolescent sessions, they will learn about trauma, how to identify feelings and manage them, how to relax and tolerate trauma reminders, how to identify negative thoughts, how to replace the negative thoughts with more helpful thoughts, how to resolve problems and learn safety skills. 
An important aspect of TF-CBT is to provide the client with opportunities to discuss details of the trauma in a supportive and nurturing environment. One way that this is done is through a trauma narrative in which the client retells their traumatic experiences through writing or pictures in a therapeutic way. This allows the client’s brain to process traumatic memories and gain more helpful thoughts about the trauma. As time passes, the traumatic reminders begin to become less intense and more infrequent. 
During the caregiver sessions, the therapist will teach the caregiver how to support the client in treatment as well as how to manage the symptoms of trauma. The therapist will provide the caregiver with a lot of resources and skills necessary to help their child cope. The caregiver will also have an opportunity to discuss their own feelings about their child’s traumatic experience and if needed be able to process their own trauma and how that impacts their child. The therapist will also prepare the caregiver on how to support their child when they share their trauma narrative in a conjoint session. 

How effective is TF-CBT?
    TF-CBT research has shown that nearly 80% of children experience a remission in symptoms after only 12 sessions. This amount of success in such a short amount of time really provides a lot of hope for the clients and their families. 

What are the signs and symptoms of trauma in children/adolescents?

  • Inability or unwillingness to recall or talk about trauma details
  • Avoiding people, places or things that remind them of what happened
  • Difficulty stopping thoughts about the trauma 
  • Startling easily
  • Emotional and physical numbing 
  • Recalling physical sensations that occurred during trauma 
  • Difficulty staying still or fidgeting 
  • Sleeping routine is disturbed (not wanting to sleep alone, nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night) 
  • Rapid changes in mood 
  • Difficulty concentrating 
  • Depression 
  • Anxiety 
  • Low self esteem 
  • Inability to trust others 
  • Drug use 
  • Desire to hurt oneself or others  

​Resources/References:
tfcbt.org/

https://www.nctsn.org/interventions/trauma-focused-cognitive-behavioral-therapy
goodtherapy.org
Children's Institute, Inc - TF-CBT handout


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Reduce the Rage: Managing Anger Better By Kirsten Ellingsen, PhD

1/7/2021

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Anger is a healthy and normal emotion. Everyone gets angry, but not everyone expresses it well. This is the second in a two-part blog series on Managing Anger with Recognizing & Resetting. The first blog focused on Recognizing Anger.  Three general recommendations were described as the foundation to helping children and teens manage anger better. First: talk about feelings and emotions, Second: identify the situations, issues, or behaviors that are frustration and trigger anger & Third: understand and pay attention to how anger is experienced in the body most importantly, when first starting to feel angry.

This blog will focus on Resetting with some specific strategies to help calm and actively manage anger in the moment.

There are two ways to return to calm when feeling angry: 1) learn and use relaxation strategies and 2) release energy to reduce anger. Anger can be a strong emotion and set off the body’s fight or flight response. (Here is an image of how anger affects the brain and body: https://www.nicabm.com/sample/nicabm-infographic-anger/). Recognizing what causes frustration and anger and the physical signs and signals for each increasing level of anger helps to prevent escalation and allows more self-control. Learning how to identify when these feelings start to happen and expressing anger without losing control is an important developmental skill.

1. Learn and Use Relaxation Strategies 
It is impossible to feel relaxed and angry at the same time. The goals is to actively use at the first signs (and Practice! Practice! Practice! before ever getting angry to access these skills in the moment). Belly breathing, listening to a favorite song, count backwards, thinking of a calm image or favorite place are all relaxing options.
 
Breathing: Take 5 slow breaths in through the nose, longer exhale out through the mouth.
http://parentsupportduringcovid19.com
https://m.kidshealth.org/NortonChildrens/en/teen/relax-breathing.html
https://copingskillsforkids.com/deep-breathing-exercises-for-kids
 
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Slowly tense than relax different muscle groups in body.
http://parentsupportduringcovid19.com
https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/MuscleRelaxation.pdf

2. 
Release Energy to Reduce Anger. 
Get moving! Take a run, walk, swim, bike. Go on a scooter, swing on a swing, do push-ups or jumping jacks. Give yourself a hug. Exercise increases “feel good” endorphins and burns off extra adrenaline and energy that often accompanies feelings of anger. Also- regular exercise can lower stress and frustration which lead to anger.
In addition to ACTIONS it is important to be aware of THOUGHTS. How we think about a situation influences mood. Angry thinking leads to feeling more anger. What we think influences how we feel. The more we focus on negative thoughts the worse we feel. Help children identify that some thoughts can make them feel more angry while other types of thoughts can help them get calm or cool down.
 
Hot Thoughts and Cool Thoughts Strategy: Practice labeling thoughts as hot or cool. Hot Thought: This is not fair, I never get my way, I can’t do it. Cool Thoughts: I am not going to let her get to me, I can stay calm and cool, this is not an emergency, take a deep breath and relax, it is just a hassle and I can deal with it, I can handle it. Practice changing thoughts and .
 
 For Teens: Remember that hormones and stress can increase feelings of anger and mood shifts. Becoming self-aware and practicing self-control will help you react without regret. Notice when you start to feel annoyed or irritated and take action. Decide to calm and stay in control. Have a practiced list of go-tos to help relax (slow breathing, do something soothing) or release emotion (run, play a sport, go for a walk, do pushups). Also, use cognitive restructuring to re-phrase a situation. Look at it from a neutral or positive angle. Practice empathy to see the situation from another person’s point of view or perspective. The following article has a 5 step approach to managing anger: Resource for Managing Anger for Teens in a 5 step approach see: Dealing With Anger (for Teens) — Print Version - Nemours KidsHealth.  
 
For Parents: Acknowledge how your child is feeling in the moment. Don’t minimize or tell a child to “calm down”. Validate the feeling (not the behavior if anger is expressed aggressively). PHRASES TO SAY (https://lemonlimeadventures.com/13-helpful-phrases-calm-angry-child/).
Try to say very little. An angry child cannot hear and process well in the moment. Most importantly, stay calm or actively calm yourself. You are not only the model of how to manage and express anger you can co-regulate by calming your face, voice, and body.
 
Helpful videos on Anger Management to watch with your child
 
This video shows how hard it is to use coping skills in the moment once dysregulated. Why do we lose control of our emotions:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bKuoH8CkFc.
Anger Management https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbpTohPUhMw). This video shows a quick ABCDE plan for anger management: Awareness, Breathe, Count, Distance and Express yourself plan.

 
 

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    Parent and Child Psychological Services is a private practice serving children and families in the Sarasota, Florida area. The practice is owned and operated by Dr. Gibson, a Licensed Psychologist who is Board Certified in Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology. ​

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Parent and Child Psychological Services PLLC 
info@childtherapysrq.com
941.357.4090 (Office)
727.304.3619 (Fax)                                                                                                                                                               
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Sarasota, FL 34233                                                                                                                                   
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