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Parent and Child Psychological Services PLLC 
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Emotional Intelligence By Tara Motzenbecker, MS, NCSP

1/21/2021

1 Comment

 
Research tells us that the ability to understand and to manage emotions is directly correlated to academic achievement. So, when you have a child that is struggling academically, instead of torturing them with more work, more hours sitting, or more time feeling inadequate, instead use the time to work on their emotional intelligence.

Dr. John Gottman provides five easy steps for parents who want to be emotion “coaches”:
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Step 1: Be aware of your child’s emotions.
Parents who emotion coach are aware of their own feelings and sensitive to the emotions present in their children. They do not require their child to amp up their emotional expression for the feelings to be acknowledged.

Step 2: See emotions as an opportunity for connection and teaching.
Children’s emotions are not an inconvenience or a challenge. They are an opportunity to connect with your child and coach them through a challenging feeling. Instead of, “that’s not something to cry about”, simply state, “I know, that makes you really sad”. 

Step 3: Listen and validate the feelings.
Give your child your full attention while you listen to their emotional expression. Reflect back what you hear, thus telling your child you understand what they’re seeing and experiencing.

Step 4: Label their emotions.
After you have fully listened, help your child develop an awareness of and vocabulary for their emotional expression.

Step 5: Help your child problem-solve with limits.
All emotions are acceptable but all behaviors are not. Help your child cope with his or her emotions by developing problem-solving skills. Limit the expression to appropriate behaviors. This involves helping your child set goals and generating solutions to reach those goals.



Remember, emotional intelligence is not necessarily intuitive and natural.  Parents play a crucial role in role-modeling and coaching skills that may otherwise never be fully developed. If you would like more information or would like assistance in coaching your child, please contact a mental health professional. 

Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (1997). Raising an emotionally intelligent child. New York, N.Y.: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks. ​
1 Comment
https://vidmate.onl/download/ link
3/14/2022 07:02:37 am

ks for sharing the article, and more importantly, your personal exper sc sz ienczdc sdzc e mindfully using sdcvxv our emotions as data about our inner st sdcsate a scdnd kno sd sdcv cwing when it’s better to de-escalate by taking a time out are great tools. Apsd xc pre sdc szciate you re scv. ading a sv nd sharing your story since I can certainly relate and I think others can to

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    Parent and Child Psychological Services is a private practice serving children and families in the Sarasota, Florida area. The practice is owned and operated by Dr. Gibson, a Licensed Psychologist who is Board Certified in Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology. ​

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Parent and Child Psychological Services PLLC 
info@childtherapysrq.com
941.357.4090 (Office)
727.304.3619 (Fax)                                                                                                                                                               
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