Parent and Child Psychological Services of Sarasota
  • Home
  • About Our Team
  • General Therapy Info
  • Anxiety
  • Behavior Problems/PCIT
  • OCD, PANS/PANDAS & BFRBs
  • Selective Mutism
  • Trauma
  • Testing
  • Resources & Events
  • FAQs
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Notice of Privacy Practices
  • No Surprise Act
  • Employment/Training Opportunities
Parent and Child Psychological Services PLLC 
941.357.4090 (Office)/ 727.304.3619 (Fax)
​Instagram: @childtherapysrq

Reduce the Rage: Managing Anger Better By Kirsten Ellingsen, PhD

1/7/2021

1 Comment

 
Picture
Anger is a healthy and normal emotion. Everyone gets angry, but not everyone expresses it well. This is the second in a two-part blog series on Managing Anger with Recognizing & Resetting. The first blog focused on Recognizing Anger.  Three general recommendations were described as the foundation to helping children and teens manage anger better. First: talk about feelings and emotions, Second: identify the situations, issues, or behaviors that are frustration and trigger anger & Third: understand and pay attention to how anger is experienced in the body most importantly, when first starting to feel angry.

This blog will focus on Resetting with some specific strategies to help calm and actively manage anger in the moment.

There are two ways to return to calm when feeling angry: 1) learn and use relaxation strategies and 2) release energy to reduce anger. Anger can be a strong emotion and set off the body’s fight or flight response. (Here is an image of how anger affects the brain and body: https://www.nicabm.com/sample/nicabm-infographic-anger/). Recognizing what causes frustration and anger and the physical signs and signals for each increasing level of anger helps to prevent escalation and allows more self-control. Learning how to identify when these feelings start to happen and expressing anger without losing control is an important developmental skill.

1. Learn and Use Relaxation Strategies 
It is impossible to feel relaxed and angry at the same time. The goals is to actively use at the first signs (and Practice! Practice! Practice! before ever getting angry to access these skills in the moment). Belly breathing, listening to a favorite song, count backwards, thinking of a calm image or favorite place are all relaxing options.
 
Breathing: Take 5 slow breaths in through the nose, longer exhale out through the mouth.
http://parentsupportduringcovid19.com
https://m.kidshealth.org/NortonChildrens/en/teen/relax-breathing.html
https://copingskillsforkids.com/deep-breathing-exercises-for-kids
 
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Slowly tense than relax different muscle groups in body.
http://parentsupportduringcovid19.com
https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/MuscleRelaxation.pdf

2. 
Release Energy to Reduce Anger. 
Get moving! Take a run, walk, swim, bike. Go on a scooter, swing on a swing, do push-ups or jumping jacks. Give yourself a hug. Exercise increases “feel good” endorphins and burns off extra adrenaline and energy that often accompanies feelings of anger. Also- regular exercise can lower stress and frustration which lead to anger.
In addition to ACTIONS it is important to be aware of THOUGHTS. How we think about a situation influences mood. Angry thinking leads to feeling more anger. What we think influences how we feel. The more we focus on negative thoughts the worse we feel. Help children identify that some thoughts can make them feel more angry while other types of thoughts can help them get calm or cool down.
 
Hot Thoughts and Cool Thoughts Strategy: Practice labeling thoughts as hot or cool. Hot Thought: This is not fair, I never get my way, I can’t do it. Cool Thoughts: I am not going to let her get to me, I can stay calm and cool, this is not an emergency, take a deep breath and relax, it is just a hassle and I can deal with it, I can handle it. Practice changing thoughts and .
 
 For Teens: Remember that hormones and stress can increase feelings of anger and mood shifts. Becoming self-aware and practicing self-control will help you react without regret. Notice when you start to feel annoyed or irritated and take action. Decide to calm and stay in control. Have a practiced list of go-tos to help relax (slow breathing, do something soothing) or release emotion (run, play a sport, go for a walk, do pushups). Also, use cognitive restructuring to re-phrase a situation. Look at it from a neutral or positive angle. Practice empathy to see the situation from another person’s point of view or perspective. The following article has a 5 step approach to managing anger: Resource for Managing Anger for Teens in a 5 step approach see: Dealing With Anger (for Teens) — Print Version - Nemours KidsHealth.  
 
For Parents: Acknowledge how your child is feeling in the moment. Don’t minimize or tell a child to “calm down”. Validate the feeling (not the behavior if anger is expressed aggressively). PHRASES TO SAY (https://lemonlimeadventures.com/13-helpful-phrases-calm-angry-child/).
Try to say very little. An angry child cannot hear and process well in the moment. Most importantly, stay calm or actively calm yourself. You are not only the model of how to manage and express anger you can co-regulate by calming your face, voice, and body.
 
Helpful videos on Anger Management to watch with your child
 
This video shows how hard it is to use coping skills in the moment once dysregulated. Why do we lose control of our emotions:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bKuoH8CkFc.
Anger Management https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbpTohPUhMw). This video shows a quick ABCDE plan for anger management: Awareness, Breathe, Count, Distance and Express yourself plan.

 
 

1 Comment
Millie Hue link
11/1/2021 10:40:43 pm

Thanks for pointing out that what we think influences how we feel most of the time. With that in mind, it would really show that a person already thinks negatively about a situation or a person before they even let it out on them. Hopefully, there are court-ordered anger management services out there if the person is starting to be violent or becoming a threat to others' safety.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Parent and Child Psychological Services is a private practice serving children and families in the Sarasota, Florida area. The practice is owned and operated by Dr. Gibson, a Licensed Psychologist who is Board Certified in Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology. ​

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    August 2014
    July 2014
    May 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Parent and Child Psychological Services PLLC 
info@childtherapysrq.com
941.357.4090 (Office)
727.304.3619 (Fax)                                                                                                                                                               
4071 Bee Ridge Road, Suite 204                                                                                                              
Sarasota, FL 34233                                                                                                                                   
Proudly powered by Weebly