7 Effective Ways to Ask for Help By Rachel Funnell, LMFT

For some people asking for help is very easy and natural. For others, it makes them feel vulnerable, weak or like a burden. However, everyone needs help from time to time. For those that find it hard to ask, it’s important to set yourself up for success. Below are seven effective ways to get the help you need and help you not feel so bad for asking. 

• 1. Demonstrate and make it clear that you have tried to help yourself.

People are more willing to help others who have attempted to help themselves first. When you ask for help from someone, give a brief explanation of what you’ve already tried to do. This not only allows the person to know that you attempted but also what you have already tried and what didn’t work. It’s important to make sure that you don’t go into too much detail but give more specific bullet points. 

• 2. Demonstrate that you have acted and taken the person's advice previously. 

It’s hard for someone to be willing to put effort into helping you problem solve if in the past you haven’t ever taken their advice. Let the person know how you’ve acted on their previous advice and the success you had from it. People are more willing to help you if they know that they have helped you in the past. 

• 3. Pay attention to the timing of your request. 

Make sure that you are not asking at the last minute or at a time that is not convenient for them to talk with you. If you are unsure as to what would be a more convenient time, just ask them. For example, you could say “I’d like to ask you for some help with something. When would be the best time for us to talk?” 

• 4. Use the “foot-in-the-door” or the “door-in-the-face”. 

These two tactics are fairly sneaky and should only be used sparingly. The foot-in-the-door technique is when you make a small request first to get the person into “yes” mode, before you make a larger request. The door-in-the-face technique is when you make a large request, get denied, and then make a smaller request, which seems more reasonable due to the earlier unreasonable request. 

• 5. Don’t make someone guess what you want.

When asking for help, make sure the person knows exactly what you are looking for and what you want. People don’t often know exactly how they can help you, so be specific. Directly asking can be hard initially but with practice you will feel more comfortable with it. In addition, people feel good after helping others, so keep in mind that you are giving them an opportunity to boost their mood. 

• 6. Make your requests using multiple channels.

This technique is especially useful with customer service situations. Often there are many different avenues available to ask for help. For example, the phone, live chat, secure messaging, face-to-face, and/or social media. It’s important to try these different ways in order to get what you are looking for. In addition, there is always someone higher up that can be of more assistance. If you find that the initial person is not able to help, ask to speak to someone that would have the answer. 

• 7. Give help.

If you offer and give help to others, they are more willing to offer and give help back to you. This is particularly true in close relationships. People like to feel that they are not always the one getting asked for help and that you are willing to do the same for them. Plus it feels good to help others. 

---