How to Manage Your Child’s Stress and Fear about School Shootings By Rachel Funnell, LMFT

It is unfortunate, to say the least, that parents, caregivers, teachers and therapists are in a position now to have to talk to children and teens about school shootings. As the adults in kid’s lives, it’s important to know how to talk to them about it, address their fears and help them manage that stress. Below are some tips, divided up in different age groups, for talking to your children about this issue. 
Preschool to Kindergarten:

• Keep it as simple and short as possible
  
• Reassure them that they are safe and there are adults in their life to help keep them safe. I.e.: teachers, parents, school staff, bus drivers
  
• Give examples school safety like locked exterior doors, gates and emergency drills
  
• Try to focus on the positives of the story, like the heroes
  

Elementary School:

• Decide how much you want to share with them due to this age group having more questions
  
• Prevent your child from watching news regarding the shooting or seeing images due to the images stick with the child longer
  
• Again, talk about the heroes of the event and reassure them of the adults and safety measures within the school
  
• This age group may need help separating fantasy from reality
  

Tweens:

• This group tends to have strong and varying opinions about the causes of violence in schools and society, therefore, be prepared to discuss these viewpoints
  
• Ask them how they feel about the shootings
  
• This can be a great opportunity to talk about your personal values as well as gain some insight into their values
  
• Begin to talk to them about how and when to speak up if they notice a peer in trouble or isolating themselves
  
• Discuss the importance of following school safety rules, like not providing access to the school to strangers and reporting any threats 
  

Teens:

• Ask them how they feel and what they have heard about the shootings
  
• Listen to their feelings and display empathy
  
• Teens usually want action, so discuss what they can do to make the school safe as well as what the school and community is doing
  
• Discuss how they can keep themselves safe
  

With all age groups, it’s important to remember the following:

• Observe your child’s emotional state: Some may not express their concerns verbally so pay attention to any changes in behavior, appetite and sleep.
  
• Limit media exposure: Monitor what they view online including social media. 
  
• Maintain a normal routine: Keeping a routine can be reassuring. 
  
• Review school safety procedures: It’s not only important for your child to know, it’s important for you to know too.
  

While school shootings and acts of violence are scary topics of conversation, it’s important to not ignore this issue. Avoiding it will only leave your child feeling scared and paranoid.